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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts show world pineapple exports by the top three pineapple-producing countries in 2009 and 2019, and a breakdown of the cost to the consumer of each pineapple in 2019.

The charts show world pineapple exports by the top three pineapple-producing countries in 2009 and 2019, and a breakdown of the cost to the consumer of each pineapple in 2019.
#show #world #pineapple #exports #three #countries #breakdown #cost #consumer
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The bar chart illustrates the top three
pineapple
Use synonyms
 production in the world in 2009 and 2019, it is measured in million. The pie chart displays
cost
Use synonyms
 details for each
pineapple
Use synonyms
 in 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, countries ( A and C) their
pineapple
Use synonyms
-producing increased over the entire period
while
Linking Words
Country
Use synonyms
 B
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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decreased. Distribution and retail had the highest amount of the
cost
Use synonyms
 for every
pineapple
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 export
cost
Use synonyms
 was the lowest. In the first graph, In 2009
country
Use synonyms
 B had more than 4 metric
tonnes
Use synonyms
 millions more than other countries, but their production dropped to under 2 metric
tonnes
Use synonyms
 millions in 2019.
While
Linking Words
country
Use synonyms
 A
pineapple
Use synonyms
 produced
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
under 2 metric
tonnes
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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 in the first year,
then
Linking Words
 it increased to above 10 metric
tonnes
Use synonyms
 which is 10 times more than
country
Use synonyms
 C. In the second graph ,
distibution
Correct your spelling
distribution
 and retail had the most amount of
pineapple
Use synonyms
cost
Use synonyms
 , with more than
third
Correct article usage
a third
show examples
 of the
cost
Use synonyms
. And profit
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
 18% of
pineapple
Use synonyms
cost
Use synonyms
. And tax had 16% of the
cost
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, International
tranpsort
Correct your spelling
transport
 had 12%,
while
Linking Words
 the
cost
Use synonyms
 of
imoprt
Correct your spelling
import
licemces
Correct your spelling
licences
,export
cost
Use synonyms
 ,and
producer
Replace the word
production
show examples
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 the lowest.
Submitted by sarraadel1551 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words pineapple, cost, country, tonnes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • exports
  • dominant
  • emerging trends
  • production costs
  • transportation
  • retailer markup
  • global trade dynamics
  • sustainability
  • market demand
  • economic factors
  • export volumes
  • logistic costs
  • retail price
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