IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people's lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of grater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #years #time #lives #adult #life #happiness #spite #grater #responsibilities
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The
life
Use synonyms
 of a normal
humain
Correct your spelling
human
 contains three phases. The first is the childhood phase. The second is the teenage
years
Use synonyms
 and the
Linking Words
finally
Change the adverb
final
show examples
 phase is the
adult
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that the teenage
years
Use synonyms
 are the happiest time of most
people
Use synonyms
's lives. Others think that
adult
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
 brings more happiness, in spite of
grater
Correct your spelling
greater
show examples
 responsibilities.
The both
Remove the article
Both
show examples
 groups have logical reasons. For the first
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
show examples
, the best
period
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 our
life
Use synonyms
 is the teenage
years
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. For some
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
, they have
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
. Indeed, in the teenage
years
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,
people
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have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not many responsibilities. It is a
period
Use synonyms
 of educational
life
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 and dreams about the
adult
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life
Use synonyms
.
Such
Linking Words
 college and university studies represent the famous characteristic of teenage
life
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.
Besides
Linking Words
,
teenage
Correct article usage
the teenage
show examples
years
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the
period
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 of travelling and discovering the world.
Such
Linking Words
 , the most beautiful travel was realised without children, wife or husband. It is only with friends and financial
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 parents.
However
Linking Words
, for some other
people
Use synonyms
, the great
period
Use synonyms
 in our
life
Use synonyms
 is the
adult
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
 for some causes.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
period
Use synonyms
 is the
period
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 of construction
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 and
tak
Correct your spelling
take
 a job. It is the
period
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 of
respnsibilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
.
Such
Linking Words
 , after 30
old
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
years
Use synonyms
, all
people
Use synonyms
 have the same aims. These aims
is fund
Change the verb form
is to fund
show examples
 a job,
mariage
Correct your spelling
marriage
 and
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
children.
Secondly
Linking Words
, for these
people
Use synonyms
,
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
Use synonyms
adult
Correct article usage
an adult
show examples
 and
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 responsibility
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
their job
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 or in
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
, is a natural phenomenon in
humain
Correct your spelling
human
life
Use synonyms
.
Such
Linking Words
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
father
Add an article
a father
the father
show examples
 or mother is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 great responsibility and
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 important work in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, the
great
Correct word choice
greatest
show examples
period
Use synonyms
 of
life
Use synonyms
 is the teenage
years
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. For me, the only
years
Use synonyms
 where the person
think
Change the verb form
thinks
show examples
 about herself and
work
Correct subject-verb agreement
works
show examples
 only for her aims are the teenage
years
Use synonyms
. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
, all our efforts and aims are related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the aims of our children and our
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
. We
not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
show examples
 have the time to work for
ourself
Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
show examples
 and for our happiness.
Also
Linking Words
, it
not
Rephrase
no
show examples
exist
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time to travel and enjoy discovering the world. In sum, teenage
years
Use synonyms
 or
adult
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
 are important periods of our
life
Use synonyms
. It is normal to pass
teenage
Correct article usage
the teenage
show examples
years
Use synonyms
 and to become
Use synonyms
adult
Correct article usage
an adult
show examples
 and take
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
.
Submitted by rabebhamdi on

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task achievement
Your essay touches on both views, but ensure that you evenly and thoroughly discuss both sides for a balanced argument.
task achievement
Try to provide more concrete examples to support your points. This will help make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next with clear connections between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each point is well-supported with relevant examples. This will help maintain reader interest and provide a stronger argument.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar, spelling, and word choice in order to make your essay clearer and more professional.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the essay.
task achievement
You have addressed both views, which is essential for a balanced discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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