The percentage of overweight children children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last decade. discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.
Over the
last
few decades,the proportion of overweight for
Change preposition
apply
children
who live in the west of community
has risen dramatically Correct article usage
the community
at
roughly %20.Change preposition
to
In other words
,more and more kids
are becoming fat every day.It is obvious that this
issue has alot
of various causes and effects.In Correct your spelling
a lot
this
essay,I will address some reasons and also
I will express some significant consequences.
Let's begin by looking at some causes of obesity
for
Change preposition
in
children
.One of the main reasons for children
's overweight is related to genetic
.Generally speaking,nearly 67 percent of Replace the word
genetics
kids
who are suffering from heavy weight have genetically
problems.Another striking cause is that Change the adverb
genetic
parents
may not have adequate knowledge in order to feed their children
and they cause the obesity
of their kids
.It is argued that the majority of parents
reckon that If children
eat a considerable amount of foods
,they will become healthier.Fix the agreement mistake
food
However
,parents
might not utilise of
appropriate foods for their Change preposition
apply
children
.
It is interesting to note that the obesity
of children
can include improper influences on their body health and life.Firstly
,If children
get overweight in
younger ages,they will not be able to do their work.Change preposition
at
That is
to say,not only will not children
do their own private works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
such
as cleaning their room,but also
they may feel laziness rather than their other friends.Secondly
,obesity
can effect
Correct your spelling
affect
on
Change preposition
apply
children
's mind
.Fix the agreement mistake
minds
In other words
,kids
with heavy weight may suffer from the
lack of self-confidence.Clearly,Correct article usage
a
children
who have a weight over than usual may be ridiculed by their other friends or classmates due to
the fact that they do
not confident about their appearance.
Verb problem
are
To conclude
,there is no doubt that these days most children
are being
involved Unnecessary verb
apply
by
Change preposition
in
obesity
and this
problem might have some causes.Take parent's behaviour and genetic
as examples.Replace the word
genetics
Also
,the overweight of children
can substantially influence on
their self-confidence and mind.Change preposition
apply
As a result
,both children
and parents
can try to resolve this
issue by
some effective ways Change preposition
in
such
as diet
and exercise.Change preposition
through diet
Submitted by TUTOO on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
general
Make sure to proofread your essay to avoid small grammatical errors and typos which can affect the overall readability. For instance, the phrase "approximately %20" should be "approximately 20%."
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your arguments. Start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Avoid phrases like "Let's begin" and focus on stronger, more academic transitions.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your main points. For instance, cite studies or statistics that back your claims about genetic causes or parental influences.
task achievement
Develop your main ideas further. Instead of mentioning that parents may not have adequate knowledge, you could explore examples of specific foods or dietary habits that contribute to childhood obesity.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt and discusses both causes and effects of childhood obesity, showing a clear understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
There is a solid structure with separate paragraphs for causes and effects, making the essay easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!