IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that children should learn to paint or draw as a subject in their school curriculum. Others think that it is a waste of time and that there are more important subjects that should be taught. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #paint #school #curriculum #waste #time #subjects
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Some see that children should have the ability to choose the subject that interests them, but there are
people
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 who disagree with them and they see that they should just study the basic required subjects,
this
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 essay will agree with the first opinion because
people
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 are when they studying the something that matters them. It is helpful for the future of humans if
people
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 care about their work and that will happen only if they see it as something interesting,
for example
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, research at HARVARD University shows that the most successful in the world are those who have interstate in their job, and it is significant how the person can achieve if he loves the work that he does. On the other, the group that agrees with teaching them the basics, the reason behind
this
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 is children will able to deal with different and a lot of subjects and
finally
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 the person will choose what he is good at,
for instance
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, in my country the system like that and actually it is not bad at all.
However
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 ، it is very important to do something you like and not waste your time on matters that you don't care about, in my childhood the children around me weren't focused on what the teacher said and they were feeling bored and after the lesson the forgot the subject, that must not happen anymore in the future and it is supposed to change it and make
people
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 focus about what they feel fun in, I would like to live to do what I love
this
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 will make me happy.
Submitted by ahmedaziz9811 on

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task response
Ensure your essay directly addresses all parts of the prompt. The essay should discuss both views in more detail before providing your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and transitions smoothly to the next.
task response
Provide more specific examples and expand your arguments. This adds depth and clarity.
task response
Your essay does present a clear opinion and attempts to discuss both sides.
coherence cohesion
There is a conclusion present, which ties your arguments together.
task response
Your use of examples, such as the research at Harvard University, supports your arguments, even though they could be more specific.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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