IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people view teenage conflict with their parents as a necessary part of growing up, whilst others see it as something negative which should be avoided.

#people #conflict #parents #part #whilst
Dealing with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children’s issues has always been one of the most challenging tasks for
parents
, particularly when children reach the adolescent period. There are two contrasting views regarding the matter of teenagers’ conflicts with their
parents
. Some
people
 see it as an essential part of a child’s development
while
 others believe it
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 a disadvantageous experience. In my opinion, the second viewpoint is more aligned with my beliefs. In the
following
Add a comma
following,
show examples
 I will elaborate
both
Change preposition
on both
show examples
 views
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and explain my own idea.
People
 who support the idea that it is absolutely normal for teenagers to struggle with their
parents
, see it as a chance for personal improvements. They assume that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the more challenges they face, the more mature they become. These conflicts
also
 help them be prepared for future possible problems in their adulthood.
For example
, If teenagers learn how to deal with their
parents
 and learn to compromise, they will be able to control their anger and emotions in more serious struggles with other
people
.
On the other hand
, a group of
people
 are opposed to teenage children experiencing quarrels with their
parents
. They are of the view that these arguments could result in awful consequences
such
 as psychological disorders. As an example, research on criminals has demonstrated that a great many of them have been suffering from psychological traumas caused by experiencing severe struggles with their
parents
.
In addition
, some teenage individuals may not be capable of tolerating constant conflicts at home
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and prefer to keep their distance from their family which can end in negative outcomes
such
 as poor parent-child
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
. All in all,
although
 a group of
people
 assume that teenagers arguing with their
parents
 is advantageous to their growth process, I agree with the opposing opinion which counts these quarrels as destructive. I believe that living in a home full of
tensions
Fix the agreement mistake
tension
show examples
 is not beneficial to the teenage group. I suggest that
parents
 educate their children and build a healthy relationship with them from their early childhood phase in order to avoid
further
 problems.
Submitted by basri.fateme on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To further enhance the task achievement, consider incorporating more specific examples and statistics that can illustrate your points in greater detail.
coherence cohesion
Review your use of transition phrases and ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. This already strong feature could be further refined for higher coherence.
coherence cohesion
Vary your sentence structure and vocabulary to avoid repetition and to keep the reader engaged throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both viewpoints and clearly presents your opinion, which is very effective for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly stated and provide a strong framework for the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well-supported with reasonable explanations and examples, enhancing the overall coherence and logical structure of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • autonomy
  • individuality
  • emotional intelligence
  • conflict resolution skills
  • persistent
  • unresolved
  • communication gaps
  • rebellious behavior
  • substance abuse
  • mental health issues
  • critical skills
  • deeper understanding
  • family dynamics
  • quest for independence
  • crucial for adulthood
What to do next:
Look at other essays: