IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The picture below shows the plan of a museum in 1998 and after some changes were made in it in 2008.

#picture #plan #museum #changes
The two plans illustrate information about the changes of an unknown
museum
 over a
20 years
Correct your spelling
20-year
 period, in 1998 and in 2008, respectively.
Overall
, it can be clearly observed that there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 an introduction of facilities
such
 as restaurant and a fountains in the recent plan,
while
 others remained the same.
However
, it is
intersting
Correct your spelling
interesting
 to note that the
museum
 only underwent its renovation internally and no extra
area
 was constructed throughout the given time frame. Starting in 1998, it is noticeable that the facilities inside the
museum
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 located in a reverse
t-shape
Correct your spelling
t-shirt
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
as well as
 leaving some free spaces on both wings of the building. Through the entry from the bottom of the map, it
equipped
Add a missing verb
was equipped
show examples
 with tickets reception and ahead of it to the north there was a cafe which
lied
Replace the word
lay
show examples
at the end
 of the trail and a large garden in the central
area
 of the
museum
. To the left of the main entrance, a temporary exhibition room for showing
artifects
Correct your spelling
artefacts
 was around the bottom left corner. Opposite
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it, there are
Add an article
the shop
a shop
show examples
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
 for
Add an article
the visitor
a visitor
show examples
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
 to buy
Add an article
a souvenir
show examples
souvenir
Fix the agreement mistake
souvenirs
show examples
,
while
 the restroom and bag and
coats
Change the noun form
coat
show examples
area
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 inside the shop. From 2008 onwards, there are major changes
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the layout making it more convenient and
well organize
Correct your spelling
well-organised
show examples
. The layout of the
museum
 now
turn
Change the verb form
turns
show examples
 into a rectangular shape on one side
unlike
Add the comma(s)
, unlike
show examples
 its previous plan in 1998. Both
shop
Correct article usage
the shop
show examples
 and bags and coats
area
 remain
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 front of the building, replacing the temporary exhibition room which now moved next
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 garden to
left
Correct article usage
the left
show examples
. Beside the cafe, the restaurant was newly introduced to the
plan
Correct your spelling
plane
show examples
 on the left
while
 the bathroom
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 on the right. In the central
area
, the garden now
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
a fountains
Correct the article-noun agreement
a fountain
fountains
show examples
 for display
as well as
 a cafe sitting
area
 for
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
 to enjoy the serenity in
this
area
.
On the other hand
, the permanent exhibition rooms remained the same throughout two
decade
Change to a plural noun
decades
show examples
 outside the main building.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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task achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive overview of the museum plans from 1998 and 2008, addressing the major changes and noting elements that remained the same. However, there are some inaccuracies and missing details that could impact the reader's understanding. Focus on improving accuracy and completeness by ensuring all features on the plans are accurately described.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. Improve your coherence and cohesion by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
The essay successfully identifies and compares the key features and changes of the museum plans from 1998 to 2008, demonstrating an understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The essay is organized in a logical manner, with separate paragraphs for the description of the 1998 and 2008 plans, making it easier for the reader to follow the comparison.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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