IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In twenty years there will be fewer cars in use than there are today. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#twenty #years #cars #support
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Due to
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 the increasing population in the next 20 years,
people
Use synonyms
 have been debating about
the
Correct word choice
whether the
show examples
Use synonyms
car
Correct quantifier usage
number of car
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 users
that it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will be less than today's number. There are several specific reasons that are opposing the issue given. And I strongly agree
to
Change preposition
with
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 the statement. Since the number of
people
Use synonyms
 is increasing, it will
also
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 lead them to utilize
Use synonyms
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
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 in their
living
Replace the word
lives
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.
First,
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people
Use synonyms
 who have to travel to different places driving
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their cars whether for work or for personal errands. There are places that cannot be reached by just walking
instead
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using
Correct word choice
of using
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 a
car
Use synonyms
 to go to their target area. Living in the province
force
Correct subject-verb agreement
forces
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people
Use synonyms
 to drive a
car
Use synonyms
due to
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 the miles it needs to take to their
destinatio
Correct your spelling
destination
. If
this
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 is the case, more
people
Use synonyms
 will buy a new
car
Use synonyms
 for their own benefit.
Subsequently
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, one of the effects of increasing population is pushing
people
Use synonyms
 not to walk to their intended places. The terminals or the walking lane will be filled with a huge number of
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 some
people
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who are
Verb problem
to
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 impatiently
waiting
Wrong verb form
wait
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 to commute. An example
for
Change preposition
of
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this
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 is those commuters who work in an urban area where they have to wait for about more than
hour
Correct article usage
an hour
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 to reach their workplace and have to suffer
with
Change preposition
from
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 the harmful effects that the crowd is contributing. In conclusion, in the next 20 years, the increase in population will lead them to purchase a
car
Use synonyms
. It will
also
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 affect those who commute to their target place.
Submitted by dhowardjacob on

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coherence
Work on refining your logical structure so that each paragraph flows better into the next. Consider using transition phrases, such as 'Moreover,' 'Additionally,' or 'On the other hand,' to help guide the reader through your points.
introduction
Your introduction is clear, but you could improve it by briefly outlining the main points you will discuss in your essay. This would give the reader a better idea of what to expect.
support
In your body paragraphs, try to provide more specific and detailed examples. For instance, instead of just mentioning 'work' and 'personal errands,' you can give concrete examples such as 'commuting to work in the city' or 'weekly grocery shopping.'
conclusion
Make sure your conclusion ties in more closely with the points you've discussed in your essay. Summarize your main arguments and reinforce why they support your stance. This helps to create a more compelling and satisfying conclusion.
stance
You have a clear stance on the issue, which is important for the task response criterion.
structure
Your essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each addressing a separate point, which aids readability.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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