Major cities in the world are growing fast, as well as their problems. What are the problems that young people living in those cities are facing? Suggest some solutions.
In recent years, the quicker megalopolises grow, the more potential issues people may deal with. And my essay will expound upon
this
by providing compelling reasons and effective methods to tackle with
Change preposition
apply
this
problem.
It is undeniable that there are plenty of problems when urban areas grow, but the most visible drawback is discrimination. Specifically, it is due to
the growth in cities, there
would be more requirements for qualified workers, leading to the competitiveness between young individuals. Correct word choice
that there
Thus
, occurring
an increase in Verb problem
apply
unemployment
rate Correct article usage
the unemployment
accompanied
by the stigmatization between Add a missing verb
is accompanied
upper
class and Add an article
the upper
underclass
in the young generation. In the circumstance of post-graduate students, they cannot even apply for jobs owing to many students Correct article usage
the underclass
have
similar degrees to them.
Wrong verb form
having
Nonetheless
, providing various subjects that suit particular
group of people is an effective solution. To be more precise, authorities should provide non-academic subjects Add an article
a particular
along with
non-academic jobs to expand options for the youth. As a result
, it paves the way for ease of seeking career opportunities and of
achieving social equality. Change preposition
apply
For instance
, governments should fund money to open art schools or physical education schools for students who do not excel in academic subjects to follow
, which can remove the unemployment percentage Verb problem
apply
as well as
discrimination.
In conclusion, due to
the growth in cities, there are tons of problems such
as the
discrimination between social classes Correct article usage
apply
occurred
because of the increasing proportion of the unemployed. Verb problem
apply
However
, expanding the variety of options in choosing jobs is a helpful way to deal with this
problem.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
For a better score, aim to develop each point more thoroughly by providing more detailed examples and explanations. This can help clarify your ideas and enhance the persuasive power of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow between your main points and supporting details. This could involve using more varied linking words and ensuring each paragraph logically follows from the one before it.
introduction conclusion present
You've included a clear and relevant introduction and conclusion, which frames the essay well. Both elements are essential for effectively communicating your response.
complete response
Your essay addresses the task requirements by identifying specific problems faced by young people in major cities and suggesting potential solutions. This shows a good understanding of the task.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?