Major cities in the world are growing fast, as well as their problems. What are the problems that young people living in those cities are facing? Suggest some solutions.

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In recent years, the quicker megalopolises grow, the more potential issues people may deal with. And my essay will expound upon
this
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by providing compelling reasons and effective methods to tackle
with
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apply
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this
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problem. It is undeniable that there are plenty of problems when urban areas grow, but the most visible drawback is discrimination. Specifically, it is
due to
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the growth in cities,
there
Correct word choice
that there
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would be more requirements for qualified workers, leading to the competitiveness between young individuals.
Thus
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,
occurring
Verb problem
apply
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an increase in
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
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rate
accompanied
Add a missing verb
is accompanied
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by the stigmatization between
upper
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the upper
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class and
underclass
Correct article usage
the underclass
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in the young generation. In the circumstance of post-graduate students, they cannot even apply for jobs owing to many students
have
Wrong verb form
having
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similar degrees to them.
Nonetheless
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, providing various subjects that suit
particular
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a particular
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group of people is an effective solution. To be more precise, authorities should provide non-academic subjects
along with
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non-academic jobs to expand options for the youth.
As a result
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, it paves the way for ease of seeking career opportunities and
of
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apply
show examples
achieving social equality.
For instance
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, governments should fund money to open art schools or physical education schools for students who do not excel in academic subjects
to follow
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apply
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, which can remove the unemployment percentage
as well as
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discrimination. In conclusion,
due to
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the growth in cities, there are tons of problems
such
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as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
discrimination between social classes
occurred
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apply
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because of the increasing proportion of the unemployed.
However
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, expanding the variety of options in choosing jobs is a helpful way to deal with
this
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problem.

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task achievement
For a better score, aim to develop each point more thoroughly by providing more detailed examples and explanations. This can help clarify your ideas and enhance the persuasive power of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow between your main points and supporting details. This could involve using more varied linking words and ensuring each paragraph logically follows from the one before it.
introduction conclusion present
You've included a clear and relevant introduction and conclusion, which frames the essay well. Both elements are essential for effectively communicating your response.
complete response
Your essay addresses the task requirements by identifying specific problems faced by young people in major cities and suggesting potential solutions. This shows a good understanding of the task.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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