IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Research shows that increasing numbers of people are now living in mega-cities: cities of more than 20 million inhabitants. Is this a positive or negative development

#research #numbers #people #mega-cities #cities #million #inhabitants #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today's world, high
population
Use synonyms
 density is increasingly evident in metropolitan areas, with some cities now exceeding 20 million inhabitants.
While
Linking Words
 there are several benefits associated with the economic and social dynamics of these mega-cities, the detrimental effects on the environment and quality of life can outweigh these advantages. It is widely known that taxes provide a significant portion of government revenue. A large
population
Use synonyms
 can alleviate the tax burden
due to
Linking Words
 the high number of taxpayers.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a
population
Use synonyms
 with high intelligence can produce entrepreneurs who contribute to the country's economic growth, which in turn can reduce the tax burden.
For instance
Linking Words
, business people may take large loans from the government, which they repay with high interest rates.
However
Linking Words
, environmental concerns should be comprehensively prioritized in provinces with extremely high populations.
Consider
Wrong verb form
Considering
show examples
 the demands of citizens: a larger
population
Use synonyms
 necessitates the construction of more apartments and facilities, leading to a reduction in green spaces.
As a result
Linking Words
, fewer plants and more people increase CO2 emissions.
Additionally
Linking Words
, resources are being consumed and utilized at an unsustainable rate, which may lead to their depletion in the near future.
Above all
Linking Words
, the drawbacks of an excessive
population
Use synonyms
 that cannot be accommodated in a given area heavily impact the environment, as it takes considerable time for nature to rejuvenate.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the financial impact cannot be covered solely by taxes from citizens.
For example
Linking Words
, water is a limited and non-renewable resource. If water usage increases within a country, it will eventually face a water shortage. To summarize, I believe that
population
Use synonyms
 numbers should be balanced to mitigate environmental damage caused by the extensive use of resources.
This
Linking Words
 issue cannot be resolved merely by revenue from tariffs.
Submitted by minimix1203 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Though your essay covers both positive and negative aspects of living in mega-cities, it could benefit from a more balanced discussion. Try to devote equal space to both aspects.
task achievement
Some ideas, such as the economic benefits of entrepreneurs and large loans, are somewhat unclear or less directly relevant. Aim to connect them more clearly to living in mega-cities.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are effective, ensure each body paragraph also clearly supports the main argument and includes convincing examples.
coherence cohesion
Make use of transition words and phrases to enhance the flow of your essay. This helps in building a more cohesive structure and makes it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
You effectively highlight the environmental concerns related to mega-cities, which are crucial points to discuss.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion clearly summarizes your stance on the issue, reinforcing your main arguments in a concise manner.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: