Some people believe holding sports events are too expensive, such as olympic games,and the world cup. But others think in opponent way. Discuss both opinion, and give your own view.
World-calss
Correct your spelling
World-class
sport
Change the noun form
sports
events
such
as Olympics
are a huge phenomenon. Every four Correct article usage
the Olympics
year
, a Fix the agreement mistake
years
country
will be chosen to hold the events
. Holding the games
can greatly infuence
the Correct your spelling
influence
coutries
economy. Correct your spelling
countries
country's
While
some people believe that it has negative effects, other
think that countries Fix the agreement mistake
others
benfit
from Correct your spelling
benefit
such
events
and it is a chance for them to boost thier
economy. I strongly agree with the second idea and an Correct your spelling
their
the
indiaction
for it can be the Correct your spelling
indication
number
of job opportunities which are created for the people during Olympic
in the holder
countries and the growth in the tourisim
Correct your spelling
tourism
indutry
.
On the one hand, Correct your spelling
industry
Sport
Change the noun form
Sports
events
can create a lot of job opportunities. Olympic
Correct article usage
The olympic
games
attract a considerable number
of visitors to the holder
Replace the word
holding
country
. First,
these poeple
need a place to stay and Correct your spelling
people
transportations
for commuting during the Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
games
, so they would reserve a hotel and need cars or differnt
kinds of Correct your spelling
different
transportations
. Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
Then
, an increase in the number
of guests causes the hotels and transportation systems to hire more staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
that
can eventually bring a lot of Correct pronoun usage
which
poeple
to work. Correct your spelling
people
Additionally
, providing food for the games
' audiances
Correct your spelling
audiences
audience
,
is another Remove the comma
apply
indiaction
Correct your spelling
indication
for
a rise in the Change preposition
of
number
of hirings. Ultimatly
, the Correct your spelling
Ultimately
countries
food industry can Change noun form
country's
also
benefit from such
sport
Change the noun form
sports
events
. So, holding Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
games
can cuase
hotels, Correct your spelling
cause
transportaion
systems and food industries to hire more staff.
Correct your spelling
transportation
On the other hand
, Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
games
can boost the tourism industry. For one thing, poeple
from all around the world get to spend days in the Correct your spelling
people
holder
Replace the word
held
country
and they may be interested in having fun and enjoying the touristic
Replace the word
tourist
attraction
of the Fix the agreement mistake
attractions
country
. For instance
, they would like to enjoy historical sites,
or enjoy the natural attractions of the Remove the comma
apply
erea
. Correct your spelling
area
era
Also
, a lot of people tend to purcahse
Correct your spelling
purchase
souveniors
for their loved ones or Correct your spelling
souvenirs
simpley
take back a piece of memory with Correct your spelling
simply
themsleves
to their homelands. Eventually, Correct your spelling
themselves
this
can improves
the Change the verb form
improve
tourisim indutry
.
In conclusion, holding Correct your spelling
tourism industry
games
can have so many benfits
for Correct your spelling
benefits
coutries
including a decrease in the rate of unemployment and Correct your spelling
countries
also
a development in the tourism indutry
. So, I believe, being a Correct your spelling
industry
holder
for the sport
Change the noun form
sports
events
is big
opportunity for Add an article
a big
coutries
.Correct your spelling
countries
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task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the discussion and provides a clear response to the prompt. However, some ideas need richer development and clearer examples to reach a higher level. Consider elaborating further on how tourism benefits the local economy and giving precise examples.
coherence cohesion
Your essay generally follows a logical structure and includes a clear introduction and conclusion, but some paragraphs could be better organized. For instance, ensure each paragraph centers around one main idea and transitions smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
Work on reducing grammatical errors and improving the accuracy of your vocabulary to make your points clearer. This will also help in making your essay more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
You have included a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your essay and summing up your arguments.
task achievement
You provided relevant points on job creation and tourism, addressing the task requirements.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example