IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people think sending criminals to prison is not an effective way to deal with them. Education and training are better. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #criminals #prison #education
Firstly
, imprisonment is more efficacious than education in fighting certain types of crime. In
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
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 where offenders pose a significant danger to society, incarcerating them can serve to immediately deter malicious intent and cease disruptive
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
.
Although
 education and training initiatives can contribute to reducing recidivism rates, they do not always succeed in addressing the undesirable outcomes of serious crimes.
Additionally
, unlike rehabilitation programs, incarceration has the ability to isolate criminals from the wider community and prevent them from harming others.
For example
, when it comes to crimes
such
 as rape or child molestation, imprisonment is necessary to protect potential victims.
Therefore
, I believe that offenders should be imprisoned
instead
 of receiving training programs given the long-term threat.
Submitted by banhbao0565 on

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introduction conclusion present
Make sure to include an introduction and conclusion to frame your argument effectively. This helps provide a clear structure to your essay.
complete response
To achieve a higher score for task achievement, aim to elaborate further on the points made, possibly exploring counterarguments or mentioning the role of education and training in detail.
logical structure
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that connections between sentences and paragraphs are smooth and logical. This will enhance the overall flow of the essay.
relevant specific examples
The examples provided are relevant and specific. This strengthens the argument and demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic.
supported main points
The main points of the essay are well supported with logical reasoning, which adds to the coherence of your argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay effectively addresses the task prompt and provides a clear stance on the issue, which is crucial for task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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