IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Climate change is one of the biggest environmental problems of the 21st century. Some people think that humans should stop using oil, gas, and coal and switch to alternative energy resources, such as wind and solar power. Others claim that fossil fuels are essential for many industries, and not using them will result in economic recessions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In the 21st century, one of the detrimental issues in the environment is climate change. Many proponents argue that humans should cut off the use of non-renewable
energy
Use synonyms
 and change to greener
energy
Use synonyms
,
while
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 others believe that fossil fuels are a lucrative thing for industries.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before conveying personal opinions. On one hand, many people contend that it is better to switch from non-renewable
energy
Use synonyms
 sources to renewable ones
due to
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 their impact on reducing gas emissions and sustainability. Greenhouse gases are highly produced by coal and diesel, making the earth suffer from unstable weather conditions and higher sea levels.
Hence
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, it is an ingenious action, if people try to find other environmentally friendly alternatives to prevent continuing negative development,
for example
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, using solar or wind
power
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, these sustainable energies are unlimited and can be found in every part of the world.
On the other hand
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, the opponents claim that industry still depends on fossil fuels because of the
energy
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 conversion rate. Fossil-based
power
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 plants are relatively more efficient compared to conventional renewable
energy
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,
such
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 as solar and wind
power
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.
Although
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 they are free to harvest,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 advanced technology and a massive location to install the
power
Use synonyms
 plant to fulfil the daily needs of industry and households.
Consequently
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, it will increase the operational and maintenance budget.
Moreover
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,
this
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 rise in the budget could affect the price of an industry’s product and lead to chaos in the trading sector. In conclusion, the proponents might think that changing the
energy
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 sources from non-renewable to green
energy
Use synonyms
 is the best way of addressing climate change,
while
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 the opponents claim that it could impact the production cost of an industry and create negative ramifications for economic conditions. I believe that using alternative
energy
Use synonyms
 could be a long-term solution to environmental problems.

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What works well

2
task achievement

Your essay presents a balanced discussion of both views on climate change and energy use, which effectively addresses the prompt.

coherence and cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are well-structured and provide a clear outline of your essay's purpose and the main ideas to be discussed.

Improvement Suggestions

2
task achievement

Ensure a clearer presentation of your arguments and ideas. Each paragraph should distinctly support your stance with explicit examples to bolster your points. You can further enhance your response by integrating more specific examples about how renewable energy sources can have economic benefits.

coherence and cohesion

Try to vary your sentence structures and cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas. Transitioning smoothly between sentences and paragraphs helps the reader follow your argument more easily.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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