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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #devices #people #age #group #television #canada #two #years #summaries #information #features #comparisons
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The given pie charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 different types of devices that
people
Use synonyms
 between the age group 18 to 25
use
Use synonyms
 to watch
television
Use synonyms
 in Canada in different periods of time.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
use
Use synonyms
 of conventional
TV
Use synonyms
 was hitting
his
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 peak in 2009,
however
Linking Words
, over time
he
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 fluctuated, having the lowest proportion in 2019.
While
Linking Words
 the usage of flat-screen
TV
Use synonyms
display
Wrong verb form
displayed
show examples
 a significant rise, being the most
Use synonyms
use
Replace the word
used
show examples
 device in 2019.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 who used to watch
television
Use synonyms
 on
laptop
Add an article
a laptop
the laptop
show examples
 has decreased.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who watched
television
Use synonyms
 on mobile phones
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
rose
Change the verb form
risen
show examples
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over the period given. The usage of conventional
TV
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 fluctuated from
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
34% in 2009 to 4% in 2019, over the decade, conventional
TV
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 their
last
Linking Words
 choice of device.
While
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
flat-screen
TV
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 an upward trend, reaching from 8% in 2009 to 27% in 2019, being the most used device to watch
television
Use synonyms
 in Canada.
Also
Linking Words
, tablets have
a
Add a missing verb
had a
show examples
significant rise over the decade, having around 19% of
people
Use synonyms
that are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
using
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. Meanwhile, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who
use
Use synonyms
 laptops to watch
television
Use synonyms
 has decreased from 20% to 12%.
Submitted by annaungureanu794 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, use, television, tv with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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