In their advertising businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negeztive development?
It is increasingly a common marketing strategy for
companies
to stress that their commercial products are new and somehow different from others in their advertisement. The general tendency of people
to seek for something they have never tried before would be a significant reason. I partially believe that this
is a positive trend, for it boosts their sales dramatically regardless of some disappointment that customers may experience as they try new items
.
The primary reason for industries putting more emphasis on new aspects of their products is the growing curiosity of the public toward unfamiliar ones. In other words
, companies
are successful in drawing their attention to promote their sales. For instance
, people
have become so obsessed with posting pictures and videos of colourful candies with the shape of realistic eyeballs on Facebook and Twitter to wait for the various responses of viewers. Such
shocking products leave intense impressions on them, from which companies
can expect rapid growth in their profits as more people
get interested and purchase them. As a result
, the sales had boosted almost twice as much as the company sold such
shocking items
.
On the other hand
, there is also
a negative consequence brought about by the excessive emphasis that companies
put on new items
since they can lead to disappointing customers.
Indeed, the growing attitude of companies
to prioritize their earnings makes them shortsighted as they often ignore something more essential which includes their effect on the health of customers. For instance
, Kouji, a new supplement that contains nutrients from rice, is later discovered to pose serious damage to their kidneys. Furthermore
, some people
with a regular intake of this
supplement even died, which led to the complete loss of the public trust as well as
their money to make up for their failures.
In conclusion, the rising curiosity of people
toward new items
is a major reason for more companies
to stress their importance. While
I somewhat agree with this
as they can gain more financial advantage, they tend to neglect other perspectives to lose the trust of the public.Submitted by mizuho on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the task by discussing why businesses emphasize new products in advertisements and includes a balanced view on the positive and negative aspects of this trend. However, try to elaborate a bit more on the negative side to make your argument more balanced.
task achievement
Ensure that all ideas are fully developed and supported. For instance, when mentioning Kouji, provide more context or statistics if possible to make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Additionally, review your essay for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as 'growing curiosity of the public toward unfamiliar ones.' Consider revising to make it more natural, for example, 'the public's growing curiosity towards unfamiliar products.'
coherence cohesion
Incorporate more linking words and phrases to ensure smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will further enhance the logical flow of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion, which appropriately frame your essay.
supported main points
Your main points are supported with relevant examples, such as the discussion of the colourful candies and Kouji supplement.
logical structure
Your essay demonstrates a good command of the English language with a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!