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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that visiting museums and art galleries is the best way to learn about art, While others believe that there are betteer ways of doing that. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #museums #art #galleries #betteer
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These days,
art
 is an important category that
people
 like because it might show culture and development in some regions;
as a result
, most
people
 like to learn it to do it or recognize communities;
additionally
,
People
 have different ideas about
art
 learning. A group of them believe the best way which
people
 can learn
art
 is by visiting some places that have it
such
 as museums and
art
 galleries;
in contrast
, another group think we can find better ways of doing it. In my opinion, the second belief is the best one
due to
 the fact
people
 have various talents, so they can learn
art
 in diverse types. On the one hand, when one population have visual intelligence;
moreover
, they can learn
art
 by visiting places that have it.
In other words
, some
people
 are able to copy
this
art
 in their brain; and
then
 do these things or some
people
 who are professional can see the best ones and improve their artwork.
For example
, most
people
 who are really good at diverse sections of
art
 have been visiting these palaces to learn more and trust their faults.
On the other hand
, it is important that
people
 can learn
art
 in several methods
such
 as.
Firstly
, some
people
 who go to the class,
then
 they will learn more efficiently.
Secondly
, some
people
 prefer to use books and the Internet for learning .
In addition
, not only music but
also
 cast need either festivals which have these performances or classes
also
, museums can not help fans of
this
art
.
For example
, a large group of the young generation likes to play instruments or sing;
therefore
, they like to follow OSCAR in the music part, American music a word, and other festivals like that. In conclusion, the museum and gallery can help some
people
;
nevertheless
, what is crucial is that
people
 who like
art
 know about the things which they like and know about how can learn yields.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
In order to improve Task Achievement, you should provide more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This would strengthen your essay and make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on ensuring that your ideas flow more logically from one to the next. Using more transitional phrases can help guide the reader smoothly through your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction clearly outlines your main points. This can help set up a clearer roadmap for your essay to follow.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly presents both viewpoints, which is a good setup for the essay.
task achievement
You provide both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view. This is good for Task Achievement.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tangible experience
  • appreciate the finer details
  • structured educational programs
  • expert guides
  • historical context
  • rare and valuable pieces
  • digital technology
  • online galleries
  • virtual tours
  • geographical location
  • hands-on experiences
  • creating art
  • attending workshops
  • documentaries
  • multimedia presentations
  • in-depth knowledge
  • varied perspectives
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