Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion
People are divided in their opinions regarding the necessity of tertiary education in the 21st century in order to attain a successful career.
While
others believe that gaining employment straight after school
is a key to favourable results in occupation,
however
,I opine that without the Bachelor's diploma, it is tough to be prosperous.
As far as I am concerned, a multitude of individuals
prefer getting a job as soon as they graduate school
for several reasons.First and foremost,it is a great opportunity to attain financial and personal independence from one's parents. Adolescents working can cover all their expenses and acknowledge the value of money by themselves.Another factor to consider is the opportunity to supply their families with all essential pieces of equipment by using their hard-earned cash.Subsequently
,they can assist their relatives in purchasing household products and be a valuable person.As evidence,I have heard that a 19-year-old teenage boy purchased a new-brand expensive car for his mother through working in the CyberSport team without receiving a high-education diploma after graduating school
.This
indicates that in rarely visible consequences, individuals
might achieve success in their lives without experiencing university study.
Nevertheless
,in order to achieve appropriate results in individual careers, they ought to graduate from tertiary school
education with reliable grades.A majority of employers choose their subordinates by elaborating on their attainment in studying due to
their reinforced comprehension of significant aspects of their daily theoretical and practical parts of their occupations.To cite an example,when it comes to applying for a well-paid profession,individuals
need to provide their documents which can demonstrate their prospects for realizing an efficient breakthrough in a tremendous company.As a consequence
, this
person who graduated institution will always dominate in society in comparison with people who are illiterate. Whether it is straightforward conversation in common topics or difficult scientific things,those individuals
who gained university life will prevail.
Weighing up both sides of the argument, in order to be the holder of a profitable profession with countless benefits for individual's careers, they need to be obliged to continue enhancing their knowledge through studying at university.Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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coherence cohesion
Work on crafting a clearer structure for your essay. Ensure each paragraph has a distinct main idea, and use topic sentences effectively.
task achievement
When presenting examples or evidence, aim for clearer and more varied examples to fully support your points.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the introduction and conclusion by making them more impactful and summarizing the main points concisely.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of both sides of the argument, which demonstrates your ability to discuss and provide a balanced view.
overall
Your essay shows a good command of vocabulary and grammar, with only minor errors that do not impede comprehension.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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