IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Education is not a luxury but a basic human righ and as such should be free for everyone irrespective of personal wealth. Do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, the importance of
education
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 and,
consequently
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, access to free
education
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 has become a widespread topic of debate.
While
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 some may argue
otherwise
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, I strongly believe that
education
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 is a universal human right and,
therefore
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, should be accessible to everyone free of charge.
Firstly
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, it is becoming more widespread these days for employers to look for at least a base level of formal
education
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 when evaluating candidates for a job role. Because of
this
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, applicants that do not have access to
this
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 will have a major disadvantage compared to others that do.
This
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 is the case even with companies that want to fill entry-level positions. Even Walmart,
for instance
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, which is known for only hiring unskilled workers, now requires every job
candiate
Correct your spelling
candidate
 to present a valid elementary
school
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 diploma regardless of the role.
This
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 puts those who could not afford to attend
school
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 at a major disadvantage. Aside from professional detriment, the negative effects of not receiving
education
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 are
also
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 prevalent in one's personal life.
This
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 is because several common behaviours, like empathy and courtesy, are
also
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 developed at
school
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.
This
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 means that people who cannot afford
education
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 are at risk of not developing these traits as much as others.
For example
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, someone who has never been to
school
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 may have a harder time understanding the necessity of maintaining one's position in a queue. In conclusion,
it is clear that
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 not having access to formal
education
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 creates major disadvantages for people, both in
professional
Correct pronoun usage
their professional
show examples
 and personal
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
Hence
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,
while
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 some may not see free
education
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 as equally as important as other human rights, not many can deny that it is critical, if not vital, for people to be able to have the opportunities and common beliefs that we have come to rely on.

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task achievement
While your arguments are well-developed, consider providing more concrete examples or statistics to strengthen your points. This will help add more weight to your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, but transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, adding transitional phrases at the beginning of paragraphs can make the essay flow better.
task achievement
Your point about personal life benefits from education could be expanded. Discussing more aspects of personal life, such as critical thinking and ethical decision-making, would deepen your analysis.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are very clear and effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples, such as the example of Walmart, which makes your argument more relatable and easier to understand.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are clearly presented and supported with examples, making your argument coherent and focused.
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