Some people think that the government should fund music, dance and art lessons for children. Others think that they should be funded by private businesses or by children’s families. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some people believe that it is the

government

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’s responsibility to allocate budgets to extracurricular courses

such

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as music, dance, and art,

while

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others argue that these should only be funded by private companies or families.

This

Linking Words

essay believes that

although

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private and household funding can offer variety,

government

Use synonyms

support is essential to ensure consistency and equality. Private businesses and families can indeed offer greater flexibility and diversity in the types of courses available, which may better cater to

children

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's individual needs. Parents can tailor extracurricular choices based on their

children

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's interests,

while

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private institutions often provide customized and innovative programs that promote holistic development.

For example

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, over 85% of parents in Japan send their

children

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to private cram schools to learn artistic skills because public schools lack a wide range of options.

However

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such

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opportunities are typically only available to

children

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from financially privileged backgrounds.

Government

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funding,

on the other hand

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, ensures equal access to extracurricular education, which is vital for promoting educational equity. Not all families can afford quality after-school programs. If access is limited to wealthier

children

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this

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could deepen social inequality, as only a portion of the population would benefit from the cognitive and emotional advantages of arts education.

For instance

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, the Taiwanese

government

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has made music a mandatory subject in public schools, allowing

children

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in rural areas to access music training and develop their creativity.

Therefore

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, only through public funding can all

children

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, regardless of their socioeconomic status, benefit from artistic education. In conclusion,

although

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privately funded art programs provide more tailored experiences,

government

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support is necessary to promote fairness and ensure that every child has the opportunity to thrive creatively.

tsaimishaSun Apr 13 2025

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task achievement

Consider providing more nuanced arguments for both sides, particularly in the introduction. This could enhance the depth of your discussion.

coherence and cohesion

While the essay is logically structured, you could improve the transitions between ideas in the body paragraphs to enhance flow.

task achievement

The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, especially in explaining the importance of government funding in promoting educational equity.

coherence and cohesion

The introduction effectively outlines the topic and presents the writer's opinion clearly at the end, which helps in guiding the reader through the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

275 words

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Some people think that the government should fund music, dance and art lessons for children. Others think that they should be funded by private businesses or by children’s families. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Your opinion

Many people have difficulty maintaining a healthy diet. What are the causes of this problem? How could it be solved?

Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting peop/e or talking with our family we just watch television. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Art classes such as painting and drawing are as important to a child’s development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?