IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some argue that governments should invest more in tourism. Others claim that the investment has a negative impact on local people and should be avoided where possible. Discuss both views while giving your opinion.

#argue #governments #tourism #investment #impact #people
Some
people
 say that administrations should more focus on the
tourism
 industry,
while
 others argue that the
people
 who reside near destinations and attractions suffer
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
over-investment.
This
 essay agrees with former statements that despite local residents might experience some problems, economic benefits exceed the issues. On the one hand, some
people
 say that the local residents who live in nearby popular attractions or destinations are suffering heavily
noise
Change preposition
from noise
show examples
 and waste which are created by tourists. Especially, their noises continuously occur even after sunset and it is significantly loud. Because of these loud
noises
Add a comma
noises,
show examples
 their lives are interrupted. A current study in South Korea showed that the noise of tourists is as loud as
those
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 of the subway station
made
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
However
, the tourists spend the amount of money in the local area and it activates their local economy.
On the other hand
, some believe that the
tourism
 industry is one of the largest businesses which help governments earn large amounts of money and
also
 the
people
 in the famous area.
Moreover
, It can be greatly helpful to activate some unfortunate cities and rural areas. Recently, in South Korea, many cases have been found
that
Change preposition
in
show examples
 some cities
have
Correct pronoun usage
that have
show examples
 successfully activated their local economy and fertilized the residents’ lives through the visitors.
For
this
 reason, I believe that when governments invest more in
tourism
, those efforts improve many cities’ economies and their citizens’ lives. In conclusion, despite local residents who live in nearby popular attractions might suffer from over-
tourism
, the economic benefits outweigh those issues.
Therefore
, the government should make generous investments in the
tourism
 industry.
Submitted by cmw9101 on

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Task Response
The essay provides a thoughtful response to both sides of the argument, but it could benefit from more nuanced analysis and detailed examples. Ensure that each point presented is well-supported with specific data or detailed anecdotal evidence. This will make your arguments more compelling and complete.
Coherence and Cohesion
Although the essay is logically structured, the flow between paragraphs can be improved. Try using more linking words and phrases to guide the reader smoothly through your arguments. Additionally, vary sentence structures to maintain reader interest and ensure clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are strong, effectively summarizing the essay’s argument and providing a clear stance. Just ensure your conclusion reinforces the main points of the essay comprehensively.
Task Response
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both viewpoints regarding government investment in tourism, showing an effort to understand different perspectives.
Task Response
Clear and relevant examples are provided, mainly through references to South Korea, which help contextualize the argument. This makes the essay more credible and engaging.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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