Some people think that using traditions as attractions for money-making will destroy our culture, but others think that there is nothing wrong with attracting tourists that way. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some individuals believe that monetising
traditions
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will destroy culture,
while
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others argue that there is nothing wrong with attracting
tourists
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that way.
While
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both sides of the argument make strong points, I personally strongly agree with the latter view. On one side of the debate, using
traditions
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for monetary purposes can change their true meaning.
Traditions
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are deeply personal practices that are passed down through generations and are often specific to certain countries. Having
tourists
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participate for money-making reasons can make these practices difficult for strangers to understand, as they do not know the history and the deep meaning
that is
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tied to these
traditions
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. The lack of knowledge on certain customs from
tourists
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can lead to the
traditions
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being taught incorrectly or adapted and changed by the wrong individuals engaging with them.
For example
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, geishas are a very well-known Japanese tradition, and they are part of a dying art form because
tourists
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have tampered with it throughout the years. On the other side of the argument, tourism accounts for the total annual income of many countries. A large part of tourism is individuals engaging and experiencing the
traditions
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and customs of the place they are visiting. Without the travel industry, countries would suffer a major loss in profits and would be less prosperous.
This
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affects governments and managing a country's budget, which
subsequently
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also
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affects residents.
Furthermore
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, local businesses are
also
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impacted by the lack of tourism, many having to close down or reduce their employee count.
For instance
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, the annual carnival in Rio de Janeiro generates a significant portion of Brazil's revenue. In conclusion, I believe there are more social benefits to allowing
tourists
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to participate in
traditions
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that benefit the average person.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
Add a little more on why the first side is true, so both sides feel more even.
task response
Use examples with a bit more care. The geisha example is interesting, but it needs clearer support.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more smoothly. A few parts jump too fast from one point to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body paragraph and explain it fully before moving on.
coherence and cohesion
Your last line is clear, but it would be stronger if it matched your opinion words in the introduction more closely.
task response
You answer both views and give your own opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
Most of your points are easy to follow.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • tradition
  • culture
  • tourist attraction
  • local community
  • historic place
  • old custom
  • true meaning
  • cultural identity
  • make money
  • keep alive
  • protect
  • respect
  • young generation
  • festival
  • local art
  • traditional music
  • support
  • damage
  • commercial use
  • balance
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