IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#world #communities #countries
Some
people
 believe that we should not help
people
 in other
countries
 as long as there are problems in our own society. I disagree with
this
 view because I believe that we should try to help as many
people
 as possible. On the one hand, I accept that it is important to help our neighbours and fellow citizens. In most
communities
Add a comma
communities,
show examples
 there are
people
 who are impoverished or disadvantaged in some way. It is possible to find homeless
people
,
for example
, in even the wealthiest of cities, and for those who are concerned about
this
 problem, there are usually opportunities to volunteer time or give money to support these
people
. In the UK,
people
 can help in a variety of ways, from donating clothing to serving free food in a soup kitchen. As the problems are on our doorstep, and there are obvious ways to help, I can understand why some
people
 feel that we should prioritise local charity. At the same time, I believe that we have an obligation to help those who live beyond our national borders. In some
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 the problems that
people
 face are much more serious than those in our own communities, and it is often even easier to help.
For example
, when children are dying from curable diseases in African
countries
, governments and individuals in richer
countries
 can save lives simply by paying for vaccines that already exist. A small donation to an international charity might have a much greater impact than helping in our local area. In conclusion, it is true that we cannot help everyone, but in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 national boundaries should not stop us from helping those who are in need.
Submitted by abolfath50 on

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task achievement
To further enhance your essay, consider providing a slightly more balanced view by acknowledging potential disadvantages of aiding international communities and how these could be addressed.
coherence cohesion
Fine-tune the coherence by using a few more transition words to seamlessly link the points across paragraphs, ensuring an even smoother progression.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and succinct, setting the stage and wrapping up the argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
The structure is logical and each paragraph flows naturally to the next, maintaining a clear and compelling narrative.
task achievement
The response is comprehensive and addresses the statement fully, with well-supported arguments and relevant examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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