IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people argue that it is not wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young yet inexperienced individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #industry #workers #individuals
In
this
 day and age, businesses are inclined to hire young people rather than the older ones. I believe
this
 is a proper choice
choosing
Change preposition
for choosing
show examples
 new but potential employees, regardless of the difference in their experiences. First and foremost, it is evident that younger workers are better in flexibility, which means they can easily acquire
expertised
Correct your spelling
expertise
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 and knowledge.
This
 factor is crucial in industries where an innovative perspective is vital for maintaining a competitive edge. These individuals will contribute fresh and creative viewpoints to the table, which can change the current market demands.
Secondly
, younger employees are often more attuned to the latest trends and technologies. As members of the digital-native generation, they are more likely to be familiar with recent updates in technology and global affairs.
This
 familiarity can be particularly valuable in industries that rely heavily on digital platforms and tools, as young workers can often navigate and leverage these systems more effectively than their older counterparts.
Furthermore
, it is
also
 important to acknowledge the challenges faced by experienced employees, particularly regarding health issues. As people age, they may encounter physical limitations and health problems that can affect their ability to maintain stable productivity levels.
This
 can be a concern which may impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 productivity, both personally and collectively. In conclusion, it is reasonable to replace old workers with younger generations
due to
 their advantages in flexibility, technological capabilities and efficiency. By their innovation and adaptability, companies can achieve a more comprehensive approach to business challenges.
Submitted by aksoysana on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand on your points with more specific examples and evidence. This will make your argument more convincing and show a well-rounded perspective.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that your ideas flow logically from one to the next. This will improve the overall cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion that aptly summarize the essay's main points.
task achievement
Strong, clear points that address the topic directly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • experienced
  • old workers
  • young
  • inexperienced
  • replace
  • industry
  • wise
  • argue
  • valuable
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • loss of expertise
  • lack
  • necessary
  • experience
  • maturity
  • diverse
  • workforce
  • mix
  • age groups
  • beneficial
  • focus
  • providing opportunities
  • continuous learning
  • development
  • balanced approach
  • smooth transition
  • maintain productivity
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!