Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent on free time activity of young people. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
In today’s
society
, the Use synonyms
education
of the young Use synonyms
are
being emphasised a lot. Some Change the verb form
is
people
think an increased amount of government money should be spent on the free time activity of young Use synonyms
people
. From my perspective, I disagree with Use synonyms
this
statement.
Linking Words
To begin
with, it is vital for Linking Words
the
young teenagers to receive Correct article usage
apply
Use synonyms
education
as they can be used to help Correct article usage
an education
people
in Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
society
. Use synonyms
For example
, if they can receive debate lessons or training when they are young. They are likely to develop aspirations in being a lawyer or studying law in university as debating is one of the essential skills that a lawyer should have. Linking Words
As a result
, if they were to become a lawyer, they Linking Words
can
possibly help Wrong verb form
could
any
innocent Correct quantifier usage
apply
people
in Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
society
and provide justice to them. Use synonyms
Hence
, it is important to emphasise the educational values Linking Words
on
young Change preposition
of
people
.
Use synonyms
Furthermore
, emphasising the Linking Words
education
of the young is essential as they can potentially improve the health of Use synonyms
people
and save their Use synonyms
life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
For instance
, the number of doctors in the NHS is very limited. Many Linking Words
people
would like to receive healthcare but they couldn’t Use synonyms
due to
the limited space in hospitals like the NHS. So, if Linking Words
people
are educated Use synonyms
as being
Change preposition
to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
doctor
. They can possibly work in these hospitals after they Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
graduated
. Wrong verb form
graduate
Therefore
, they can help cure patients if they are ill or even save their Linking Words
life
if they were to be in an accident.
In conclusion, I strongly disagree that more government money should be spent on Fix the agreement mistake
lives
free
time activity of young Correct article usage
the free
people
. Use synonyms
This
is because I believe more emphasis on the Linking Words
education
of young Use synonyms
people
will greatly benefit Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
society
in the future, outweighing the benefits of investing in more free time Use synonyms
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
of
young Change preposition
for
people
.Use synonyms
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language
Ensure subject-verb agreement (e.g. 'the education of the young **is** being emphasised a lot').
task achievement
Expand on ideas presented in each paragraph for a more thorough argument.
coherence cohesion
State clear topic sentences at the start of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Arguments presented in the essay are relevant and on-topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, providing a clear structure.
task achievement
Examples used in the essay effectively illustrate the points being made.