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Band 5

What are the advantages and disadvantages of leaving your country to live or study abroad?

#country #study
A great number of youngsters leave their
country
 to study or live in a more developed
country
 these days.
This
 situation has drawbacks,
such
 as cultural and language barriers.
On the other hand
,
people
, who left their
country
, can build friendly
relations
 between nations
To begin
,
people
,
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
show examples
 moved to another
coutry
Correct your spelling
country
 in order to get
education
Add an article
an education
show examples
, would have linguistic and ethnic divides. Every nation has its traditions, history, language and dialects. Even individual
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
C2
Correct article usage
a C2
show examples
 level of foreign and
study
Replace the word
studies
show examples
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
 history, culture, traditions etc, he would have
language
Correct article usage
a language
show examples
 and ethnic barrier with representers of
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
show examples
 and native speakers.
For instance
, scientists from Oxford
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
had
Verb problem
conducted
show examples
 a study and found
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that 89% of
emigrants
Correct your spelling
immigrants
show examples
 would have ethnic and linguistic barriers.
Moreover
, to destroy
this barriers
Change the determiner
this barrier
these barriers
show examples
,
migrant
Fix the agreement mistake
migrants
show examples
 need to live in
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
 for 6 years.
On the other hand
, individuals left their motherland and live in foreign
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 have
possibility
Add an article
the possibility
a possibility
show examples
 to create
relations
 between
to
Correct your spelling
two
show examples
 nations. Representatives of different nationalities might build
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 by presenting their culture,
traditions
Correct word choice
and traditions
show examples
 and by destroying stereotypes.
For example
,
kazakhs
Change the capitalization
Kazakhs
show examples
bulid
Correct your spelling
built
 friendly
relations
 with
german
Capitalize word
German
show examples
 and
hungarian
Change the capitalization
Hungarian
show examples
people
 in
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 decades. Thanks to
this
 experience, in Hungary and Germany residents greet
kazakh
Change the capitalization
Kazakh
show examples
people
 with open arms. In conclusion, more and more
people
 move on to another republic in order to get
education
Add an article
an education
show examples
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days, and it has both benefits and drawbacks. Living in dissimilar
republic
Fix the agreement mistake
republics
show examples
,
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 will have cultural and linguistic
border
Fix the agreement mistake
borders
show examples
, but
also
 it would help different nationalities to build friendly
relations
.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on organizing ideas more clearly. Make sure each paragraph sticks to a single main idea and flows logically from one to the next. This will help you achieve a higher score.
task achievement
For a more complete response, ensure that you provide balanced discussions on both advantages and disadvantages. Use additional examples to support your points and add more depth to your arguments. This will help you improve your score in task achievement.
language
On grammar accuracy, note that sentences can be simplified and grammatical errors reduced. Double-check for small mistakes, such as correct use of articles and subject-verb agreement, to make your writing clearer.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and attempts to address both advantages and disadvantages of living or studying abroad. This fulfills the requirement of task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, giving the essay a clear starting and ending point.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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