IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

"When did you first use a computer, and what was your experience like? What did you do with it?"

In
early
Correct pronoun usage
my early
show examples
 twenties, It was the
time
Use synonyms
 when I used the
computer
Use synonyms
 for
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
time
Use synonyms
.
Refering
Correct your spelling
Referring
 to the first question the
computer
Use synonyms
 was the desktop
computer
Use synonyms
 known as
pentium
Change the capitalization
Pentium
show examples
 two of that
time
Use synonyms
.At that
time
Use synonyms
 the
computer
Use synonyms
 was not very common but
luckly
Correct your spelling
luckily
 I got
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to
used
Change the form of the verb
use
show examples
 the
computer
Use synonyms
 in that era.For the
last
Linking Words
 question, I was using
Use synonyms
computer
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
 for games ,I played many games
for example
Linking Words
 GTA
vice city
Correct your spelling
Vice City
show examples
, sega
Correct your spelling
and Sega
 games and the most favourite one was
need
Correct article usage
the need
show examples
 for speed. I
also
Linking Words
 used
Use synonyms
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
 for storing the pictures and videos.
Lastly
Linking Words
, I
also
Linking Words
 used
Facbook
Correct your spelling
Facebook
 and
youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
 at that
time
Use synonyms
 as they both
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 newly introduced and I was one of the
early stage
Add a hyphen
early-stage
show examples
user
Change to a plural noun
users
show examples
 of these platforms.
For using
Change preposition
Using
show examples
 the
computer
Use synonyms
fist
Correct your spelling
first
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 helped me to connect with others by using the Facebook app at that
time
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
Facebook
Add a comma
Facebook,
show examples
 I have made many friends
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 I learnt how to use
google
Capitalize word
Google
show examples
 on
Use synonyms
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
 and get the information. The main challenge of that
time
Use synonyms
 was the
computer
Use synonyms
 and its accessories and
also
Linking Words
 the internet facility
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 quite expensive.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 there was no
youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
 content to help
any
Change preposition
with any
show examples
 problem that I
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
faced.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance logical structure, consider creating distinct paragraphs for different points. For example, use one paragraph for your initial experience with the computer, another for the activities you performed, and another for challenges you encountered.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and a conclusion can help frame your essay. Begin with a brief introduction about the significance of using a computer for the first time and conclude with a summary or reflection.
task achievement
Work on sentence variety and complexity for clearer and more comprehensive ideas. Linking words and phrases such as 'Firstly', 'Moreover', 'Additionally' can help add flow and clarity.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your experiences and the impact they had on your life. Adding more specific examples and details will make your points stronger and clearer.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples such as the games you played and the websites you used, which enriches your essay and makes it more engaging.
task achievement
The essay successfully answers all parts of the task, describing when you first used a computer, what your experience was like, and what you did with it.
task achievement
Your writing shows a good understanding of the task and includes several reflective points about your early computer usage and how it helped you.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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