The government should reduce the amount of moeny spent on local environmental problems and instead increase funding into urgent and more threatening issues such as global warming. To what extent do you agree?

There are differing opinions regarding whether the government should concentrate on the threatening problems
for example
global warming
instead
of spending a huge amount of financial support on local environmental issues. In my opinion, the urgent and threatening issues are the priority to focus on, but it should not underestimate the profound effect of the local environmental problems. On one hand, there are notable influences of global threatening issues on many different aspects of people daily's lives and the whole global
environment
. First of all, like global warming, it has seriously
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
many countries
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
climate change. There are more and more extreme natural disaters
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
been reported since global warming
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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drew
Correct article usage
the attenion
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attenion
Correct your spelling
attention
by
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of
show examples
public
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the public
show examples
.
Animal
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Animals
show examples
lived
Wrong verb form
living
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on
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in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cold
area
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areas
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
declined because of the climate
is growing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. If each country can devote
themselves
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itself
show examples
a bit more
on
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to
show examples
one target
issue
, I believe
problem
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the problem
show examples
will be better
sovled
Correct your spelling
solved
with
collabration
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collaboration
.
On the other hand
, one small thing is relative to the biggest
issue
. In order to
sovle
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solve
the biggest, global
issue
, every single, tiny effort should not underestimated.
For example
, raise public
enviormental
Correct your spelling
environmental
awareness of how to contribute
a
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to a
show examples
green
environment
by
simple
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a simple
the simple
show examples
daily movement which needs
govenment
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government
support.
For example
,
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
can embark on spreading effective methods to reduce environmental pollution for
public
Add an article
the public
a public
show examples
which
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
show examples
the public
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
to dedicate themselves
in
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to
show examples
environmental protection. In conclusion,
global
Correct article usage
the global
show examples
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
issue
is the priority to concentrate on by the government, it should not stop any movement on local environmental protection. Only the local
environment
improves, the whole world
environment
will be increased respectively.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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Grammar and Punctuation
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Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to connect your ideas and make your argument flow more smoothly. Words like 'therefore,' 'however,' and 'meanwhile' can help structure your argument logically.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples or data. This will make your argument more convincing and show deeper engagement with the topic.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, helping to frame the discussion and summarizing key points effectively.
Task Achievement
There is an attempt to address the importance of local efforts in solving global issues, indicating a nuanced understanding of the topic.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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