IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing and martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. To what extent do you agree?

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It is controversial whether some
sports
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 and global sporting competitions with the
use
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 of
violence
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 should be broadcast on TV or not. I partially agree with
this
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, for they are more likely to promote offensive acts among young
people
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, who often cannot tell the difference between right and wrong, regardless of the fact that violent
sports
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 encourage
people
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 to respect one another. On the one hand, the
use
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 of
violence
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 in some
sports
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 on TV has a potential negative effect on young viewers since it can deliver the wrong message that
violence
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 is acceptable in any circumstances.
In other words
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, many children tend to associate physical strength with victories and supreme power, promoting to
use
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 of
violence
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 to solve various conflicts in life.
For instance
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, a scientific report conducted in Japan in 2020 has proved that the rate of those who respond in an offensive manner is approximately 30% higher when they have a habit of seeing violent
sports
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programs
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 than those who do not.
Furthermore
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, they are often less patient in discussing problems with
others
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 to solve, believing that they are pointless as long as they possess good physical power to impress
people
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.
Therefore
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, the media should ban
such
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 violent
sports
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programs
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 to encourage more logical and humane acts of individuals.
On the other hand
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, it is not necessary to eliminate abusive
sports
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programs
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 as athletes can be regarded as good role models to follow rules and respect their adversaries for fair play. Indeed, the audience is often impressed by their sophisticated techniques so they do not cause any serious harm or injuries to
others
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.
For example
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, even though boxers are breeding in their faces
while
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 they fight in a game, they are often not lethal and treated easily because they
use
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violence
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 to demonstrate their advanced skills and not to hurt
others
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.
In addition
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 to
such
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sports
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 shows stressing the importance of obeying rules and manners, they are quite valuable resources, from which
people
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 are able to acquire self-defensive techniques in an emergency.
Consequently
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, they are helpful in raising awareness of the importance of respecting
others
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as well as
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 protecting their own life. In conclusion, I somewhat agree that abusive
sports
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programs
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 should be prevented before children are encouraged to
use
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violence
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 in their daily lives.
However
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, they should be put more values from an educational perspective as
people
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 are able to learn the essential moralities and gain the ability of self-protection in unexpected situations.

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coherence cohesion
Focus on clearer topic sentences to better guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Refine your thesis statement to make your stance clearer from the beginning.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, try to use a wider variety of sources to support your points more comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
You provided a balanced response, considering both sides of the argument, which shows depth in your understanding.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • combat sports
  • glorification of violence
  • impressionable audiences
  • cultural heritage
  • self-discipline
  • sportsmanship
  • media portrayal
  • regulatory measures
  • censorship
  • psychological impact
  • broadcasting regulations
  • watershed timing
  • advocates and opponents
  • ethical considerations
  • economic implications
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