IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that schools do not do enough to teach young people about how to look after their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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No one can deny that
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 body and mind is significant to ensure a better quality of life.
Therefore
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, it is crucial for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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adults to
enducate
Correct your spelling
educate
 the younger generations about the awareness of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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healthy well-being.
However
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, there are some
agurments
Correct your spelling
arguments
 regarding the students
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not receiving a proper health education from the schools. In my perspective, I strongly
diagree
Correct your spelling
disagree
 with the statement above and will explain
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
 the following paragraph.
To begin
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 with, the parents play a big role in setting an example to their offspring on how to maintain healthy habits.
This
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 is because children
tends
Change the verb form
tend
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 to learn from the adults and their
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
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 by mimicking others.
For instance
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, kids nowadays pay more attention to screen hours rather than
socialize
Wrong verb form
socialising
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 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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peer groups and
this
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 behaviour
also
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 can be seen in every
households
Change to a singular noun
household
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.
Therefore
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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parents are responsible
to teach
Change preposition
for teaching
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 their
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
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 from an early age to keep up with good habits
such
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 as physical activities and
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
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 diet so that can help them
to
Verb problem
apply
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understand the importance of
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 lifestyle.
Thus
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, can
reduced
Change the verb form
reduce
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 a person's healthcare costs. On the other, the institutions
also
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 play a part in educating the pupils about the benefits of healthy practice by introducing a curriculum and
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
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.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 hygiene, whether a hand washing role play or
foods
Change the noun form
food
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 safety
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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both are useful to prevent
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
for
Change preposition
from
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 getting sick.
In addition
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,
this
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 might enhance
overall
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 performance namely
academic
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
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 because individuals with stronger physical and
mind set
Correct your spelling
mindset
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 are better and faster
learner
Fix the agreement mistake
learners
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. In conclusion, considering all older generations
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 vital to provide a better vision of healthy lifestyles to the young generations rather than one party because it is impossible.
Hence
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, teamwork makes the dream work.
Therefore
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, I
trurly
Correct your spelling
truly
 disagree with the trend above.

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task achievement
Ensure all examples and arguments are directly relevant to the topic. For instance, further detail on how schools include health education in the curriculum would enhance the argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve sentence structure and grammar to avoid small inaccuracies, e.g., 'parents are responsible for teaching their youngsters' instead of 'to teach their youngster'.
task achievement
Include more specific examples of school programs or activities that promote health to make the essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay clearly presents a viewpoint and backs it up with supporting details. Both the introduction and conclusion are effectively utilized.
task achievement
The importance of both parental and institutional roles in health education is well considered, providing a balanced perspective.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Health education
  • Curriculum
  • Healthy lifestyle
  • Diet
  • Exercise
  • Mental health
  • Hygiene
  • Practical skills
  • Responsibility
  • Collaboration
  • Long-term benefits
  • Reduced healthcare costs
  • Academic performance
  • Well-being
  • Comprehensive health programs
  • Positive outcomes
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