Some people think that schools do not do enough to teach young people about how to look after their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
No one can deny that
healthy
body and mind is significant to ensure a better quality of life. Correct article usage
a healthy
Therefore
, it is crucial for the
adults to Correct article usage
apply
enducate
the younger generations about the awareness of Correct your spelling
educate
the
healthy well-being. Correct article usage
apply
However
, there are some agurments
regarding the students Correct your spelling
arguments
are
not receiving a proper health education from the schools. In my perspective, I strongly Unnecessary verb
apply
diagree
with the statement above and will explain Correct your spelling
disagree
in
the following paragraph.
Correct pronoun usage
it in
To begin
with, the parents play a big role in setting an example to their offspring on how to maintain healthy habits. This
is because children tends
to learn from the adults and their Change the verb form
tend
surrounding
by mimicking others. Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
For instance
, kids nowadays pay more attention to screen hours rather than socialize
with Wrong verb form
socialising
the
peer groups and Correct article usage
apply
this
behaviour also
can be seen in every households
. Change to a singular noun
household
Therefore
, the
parents are responsible Correct article usage
apply
to teach
their Change preposition
for teaching
youngster
from an early age to keep up with good habits Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
such
as physical activities and balanced
diet so that can help them Correct article usage
a balanced
to
understand the importance of Verb problem
apply
healthy
lifestyle. Correct article usage
a healthy
Thus
, can reduced
a person's healthcare costs.
On the other, the institutions Change the verb form
reduce
also
play a part in educating the pupils about the benefits of healthy practice by introducing a curriculum and lesson
. Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
For
example
hygiene, whether a hand washing role play or Add a comma
example,
foods
safety Change the noun form
food
that
both are useful to prevent Correct pronoun usage
apply
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
for
getting sick. Change preposition
from
In addition
, this
might enhance overall
performance namely academic
because individuals with stronger physical and Fix the agreement mistake
academics
mind set
are better and faster Correct your spelling
mindset
learner
.
In conclusion, considering all older generations Fix the agreement mistake
learners
are
vital to provide a better vision of healthy lifestyles to the young generations rather than one party because it is impossible. Correct subject-verb agreement
is
Hence
, teamwork makes the dream work. Therefore
, I trurly
disagree with the trend above.Correct your spelling
truly
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task achievement
Ensure all examples and arguments are directly relevant to the topic. For instance, further detail on how schools include health education in the curriculum would enhance the argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve sentence structure and grammar to avoid small inaccuracies, e.g., 'parents are responsible for teaching their youngsters' instead of 'to teach their youngster'.
task achievement
Include more specific examples of school programs or activities that promote health to make the essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay clearly presents a viewpoint and backs it up with supporting details. Both the introduction and conclusion are effectively utilized.
task achievement
The importance of both parental and institutional roles in health education is well considered, providing a balanced perspective.