IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think governments should spend money looking for life on the other planets, while others think that there are many unsolved problems on earth.

#people #governments #money #life #planets #earth
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays many
people
Use synonyms
 debate whether the state authorities should waste money for alien
life
Use synonyms
 on other planets.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 talk about solving issues on our
planet
Use synonyms
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 more important than another
life
Use synonyms
 in
cosmic
Correct article usage
a cosmic
show examples
 area. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 government should make a list of
expenditure
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditures
show examples
 for discovering cosmic
life
Use synonyms
 but the main purpose should be solving
problems
Use synonyms
 on our
planet
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 expenses for observing cosmic
life
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 crucial for developing science in
this
Linking Words
 field.
This
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 could be
benefited
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 for our
future
Use synonyms
 in case of
nature
Replace the word
natural
show examples
 disaster on our
planet
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
 we could move to another
planet
Use synonyms
 and continue
Use synonyms
life
Add an article
a life
the life
show examples
 of humankind. There
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 an array of movies
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 fantastic style that clearly
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 us what could
be happen
Change the verb form
happen
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our
planet
Use synonyms
 if a nuclear bomb explodes.
While
Linking Words
 some scientists exploring planets suitable for human living,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 are investigating spaceships which could carry
people
Use synonyms
 from Earth to another
planet
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 the question of gathering and preserving
seed
Fix the agreement mistake
seeds
show examples
 of plants is much more important to continuing our
life
Use synonyms
 on another site, which
also
Linking Words
 demands expenditures.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 another group of
people
Use synonyms
 claims
necessity
Add an article
the necessity
show examples
 of concentrating on our
planet
Use synonyms
 with its own
problems
Use synonyms
 which
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
concern everybody not only
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 but nowadays. Pollution of
ocean
Add an article
the ocean
show examples
, environmental impacts of logging, fumes from automobiles that
pollutes
Correct subject-verb agreement
pollute
show examples
air
Add an article
the air
show examples
 and causes an effect of Greenhouse,
these
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are a few portion of
issues
Correct article usage
the issues
show examples
 on Earth. The range of
problems
Use synonyms
 on our
planet
Use synonyms
 is so enormous that if we
will
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not work
for solving
Change preposition
to solve
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 now,
then
Linking Words
 it could destroy human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
. We have to focus on our
planet
Use synonyms
 to save it and when the huge
problems
Use synonyms
will be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 solved
then
Linking Words
 we could change our target to cosmic space. What about me, my point of view is more about
balance
Add an article
the balance
a balance
show examples
 between these two groups of
people
Use synonyms
. I
thing
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
 that solving our
problems
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 vital but we
also
Linking Words
 should be aware of cosmic
life
Use synonyms
 thoroughly.
These two side
Change the determiner
This two side
These two sides
show examples
 of science is indispensable for our
future
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, science is essential and
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to be paid
by
Change preposition
for by
show examples
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 which
also
Linking Words
 should focus on the real
problems
Use synonyms
 of our time. To keep balance in
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 fields is vital for maintaining and continuing our
future
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
 level and prospects.
Submitted by zeynalli.tarana on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay needs more specific and relevant examples to support the main points. Try to incorporate concrete, real-world examples to make your arguments stronger and more persuasive.
task achievement
Some ideas and arguments are not fully developed and lack clarity. Aim to express ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Ensure to elaborate on each point with sufficient detail.
coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from a clearer logical structure. Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly from one idea to the next, and that each paragraph contains one main idea supported by relevant arguments and examples.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with stronger evidence and explanations. More thoroughly developed supporting points will help clarify your argument and persuade the reader.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument. This helps guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
You address both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced perspective. This adds depth to your essay and shows that you have considered multiple viewpoints.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: