IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The line graph illustrates the number of radio and television users throughout a day in 1992.

The line graph illustrates the number of radio and television users throughout a day in 1992.
The line graph illustrates the number of
radio
Use synonyms
 and television users throughout
a
Correct article usage
the
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 day in 1992. Clearly, people tend to listen to the
radio
Use synonyms
 more in the morning than in the afternoon. Over the course of each day and night, more people watched TV than listened to the
radio
Use synonyms
. Less than 10% of people watched TV between 1 AM and 12 noon.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 by 4 PM,
this
Linking Words
 figure increased rapidly, reaching a peak of almost half the population at 8 PM.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the graph records a sharp decline in viewers, reaching a low of only a tiny percentage by 3 AM.
Radio
Use synonyms
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, shows a very different trend. The most popular time for listeners to be tuned in was just after 8 AM
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 when around 27% of the population was listening.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 brief peak, the numbers dropped steadily to barely 2%, apart from fluctuations around 4 PM and 10:30 PM. The percentage of listeners remained low overnight before beginning a rapid ascent from 6 AM to the 8 AM high.
Overall
Linking Words
, television viewership dominates the afternoon and evening hours,
while
Linking Words
radio
Use synonyms
 listeners
peaks
Change the verb form
peak
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 in the morning, illustrating distinct usage patterns for these two media throughout the day.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "after this".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words radio with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rapidly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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