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Band 5

In the past, knowledge was contained in books , Nowadays is uploaded to the internet. Do the advantages pf this outweigh the advantages?

#books #internet #pf #outweigh
In
this
 day and age, significant information
os
Correct your spelling
is
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 readily accessible via the
internet
 compared to the old days when they are being published in books. There are both pros and cons
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 ongoing process.
However
, I still believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 exceed the drawbacks of
this
 trend.
Initially
, one of the disadvantages of uploading information online is that it encourages dependence on computer technology which is detrimental to
Correct article usage
the humand
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humand
Correct your spelling
human
humans
 mind. Several decades ago, if a person wanted to investigate a given topic, they would have to check out a library or talk with an expert.
This
 process was much slower and open to the possibility of bias. And doing so, it
also
 meant that human beings were more
deligent
Correct your spelling
diligent
 and patiently learned from books, more nuanced sources. Nowadays, some count of people learn everything from the net. Over time,
this
 can be
reason
Add an article
a reason
the reason
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to
Change preposition
for
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 addiction to devices, lacking the healthy habits engendered by careful research and study.
However
,
this
 shift
is avoid
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is avoided
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
challenges
cause
Correct word choice
because
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 there are numerous benefits of
these online-connection
Change the determiner
this online-connection
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. At
first,
as you know an
internet
 connection system, especially at several distances between two relatives than in the history, because many people went to their destination to make conservation before.
Secondly
, to read a book in the past, we have to
figured
Change the verb
figure
show examples
 out
clear
Add an article
the clear
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 location of libraries, but in the digital era, we may read them whenever there's an
internet
 connection.
For instance
, online book sites like Netflix or IMBb are
prevelent
Correct your spelling
prevalent
 these days. And it
isn't demand
Change the verb form
doesn't demand
show examples
 a
high
Correct word choice
higher
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 amount of payment than going there because if someone goes to
theatre
Add an article
the theatre
show examples
 to watch a movie, it requires a lot more money than watching it online at home. In a nutshell, despite the several drawbacks of the
internet
, the benefits outweigh the cons
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task achievement
Make sure to proofread your essay for small grammatical and spelling errors.
task achievement
Ensure all ideas are fully developed with appropriate examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Organize your points with clear topic sentences for each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Link your paragraphs using cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, moreover, however) to improve flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your response.
task achievement
The main idea is clearly stated, showing that you understand the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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