IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that social media sites have a huge negative effect on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #media #sites #effect #individuals #society
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As
people
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 rely more and more on social
media
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, there is a debate about whether the impact on both
people
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 and society is negative or not. I partly agree that
this
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 is a negative
overall
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, despite its obvious conveniences.  
Initially
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, one of the fundamental arguments in terms of social networking
sites
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 is that they have made it easier for us to communicate with one another, which has brought us closer together and expanded our social networks.
For instance
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, users can get to know
people
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 from different regions easily through social
media
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, which enhances connections between strangers.
Furthermore
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, social
media
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sites
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 have made it easier for us to access books or allow us the opportunity to learn in more ways through other educational resources. To give an example, someone interested in learning about a topic goes to the library and takes out ten books, but not everyone wants to learn in
this
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 way.
Instead
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, all we need to do is punch in a search on Google and read a few articles or watch a few videos.
According to
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 the above, social networks indeed bring about improvements for the public and society.  
On the other hand
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, in
this
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 contemporary world,
people
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, particularly teenagers, are prone to committing different crimes,
such
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 as blackmailing, fraud, and gambling, by using social
media
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sites
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.
In addition
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, some low-grade businesses have been preferring social
media
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 to advertise their low-quality products among their clients.
For instance
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, because of the rise of marketing through Instagram or other social
sites
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, it is very easy to sell third-grade goods at a high price as consumers are encouraged by colourful advertisements.   In conclusion, despite the fact that the trend is inescapable, its downsides and merits have considerably affected
people
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's lives.
Submitted by ieltswritingband99 on

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task achievement
While your introduction clearly sets up the discussion, it could be strengthened by elaborating a bit more on your stance regarding the extent to which you agree or disagree.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph develops one main idea thoroughly. In your essay, both body paragraphs present solid ideas; however, they could be expanded with further examples and explanation for deeper support and authenticity.
coherence cohesion
Try to clarify your arguments slightly. For instance, your points about social media allowing easier access to educational resources could be better structured to show your argument's progression more clearly.
coherent cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, which makes it easy for readers to follow your argument.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support the main points, and they are adequately linked to your arguments.
task achievement
Your language is clear and comprehensible, fulfilling the task requirements effectively.
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