Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing and martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. To what extent do you agree?

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Nowadays, whether

sports

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involving violence should be forbidden is a

debate

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debated

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issue. I contend that though these

sports

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perform demerits, it is necessary for them to exist. Granted, in terms of intensive

sports

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like boxing and martial arts, there are some

potentially

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potential

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drawbacks. First of all, violent

sports

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TVs

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would mislead

the

Correct article usage

apply

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youngsters who are fragile and impressionable to be

infulenced

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influenced

easily, and

subsequently

Linking Words

learn the aggressive features and

then

Linking Words

exert to

practical

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the practical

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world. These actions might contribute to more crimes and harm their own mental health

since

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due to

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the loss of correct education and complete laws.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, for

the

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apply

show examples

atheletes

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athletes

, excessive

workout

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workouts

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and being

injuired

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injured

during

the

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apply

show examples

competitions bring irreversible harm to their physical health, which

include

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includes

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shortening

the

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their

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lifetime and even being disabled.

However

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, the existence of violence in

sports

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is attributed to followed factors. The first factor

is concerning

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concerns

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the nature

meanings

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of meanings

show examples

For example

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, the natural and original aim of martial arts is to be

self-discipline

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self-disciplined

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and

strongthen

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strengthen

strong then

figures. Another factor is that these types of

sports

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are a way for

atheletes

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athletes

to attain

employments

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employment

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and earn money since they can get ample awards if they win the games.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, a series of aggressive competitions can enrich the variety of

sports

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species, and consequent develop the watching rates, which help both the

sports

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industry and the TV stations earn much more money.

Also

Linking Words

, the consistency of competitions and promotion of violent

sports

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help these

sports

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be inherited, and as intermediaries of international communication.

For instance

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, in China, the press always

utilize

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utilizes

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martial arts to represent China since they have

long

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a long

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history and are well-known around the world. In conclusion,

while

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there are several disadvantages of

sports

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with violence, they

also

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hold the

necessarity

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necessity

necessary

of existing. On balance, I argue that these

sports

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can

open

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be open

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to show and at the same time,

the

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apply

show examples

comprehensive regulations and educational leading should be conducted to mitigate negative effects.

xeyojnnMon Jul 29 2024

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task achievement

To enhance your task achievement, ensure that you provide more specific examples to support your points. For example, mention particular incidents or statistics related to the impact of violent sports on athletes or society.

coherence cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, work on making your ideas flow more logically from one to the next. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next point by using cohesive devices like transition words and phrases more effectively.

task achievement

Clarify and elaborate on your main points a bit more. For instance, when discussing the potential harms of violent sports, provide more detailed explanations or evidence about how they might lead to increased crime rates or physical injuries.

coherence cohesion

Strengthen your conclusion by succinctly summarizing your main points and reaffirming your stance. This will help leave a lasting impression on the reader.

task achievement

You provided a balanced view on the topic, acknowledging both the disadvantages and the benefits of violent sports.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.

task achievement

You used appropriate vocabulary related to the topic, such as 'martial arts,' 'self-discipline,' and 'irreversible harm,' which enhances the clarity of your ideas.

task achievement

The essay addresses the prompt directly and offers a thoughtful analysis of the topic, showing a deep understanding of the issue.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

320 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

combat sports
glorification of violence
impressionable audiences
cultural heritage
self-discipline
sportsmanship
media portrayal
regulatory measures
censorship
psychological impact
broadcasting regulations
watershed timing
advocates and opponents
ethical considerations
economic implications

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Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing and martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. To what extent do you agree?

Some people say a car is the best way to travel through a city while others support traveling with bicycles. Discuss both sides and share your opinion.

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Many people believe that international tourism is a bad thing for their countries. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to change this negative attitude towards international tourism?