Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing and martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. To what extent do you agree?

Nowadays, whether
sports
involving violence should be forbidden is a
debate
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debated
show examples
issue. I contend that though these
sports
perform demerits, it is necessary for them to exist. Granted, in terms of intensive
sports
like boxing and martial arts, there are some
potentially
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potential
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drawbacks. First of all, violent
sports
on
TVs
Fix the agreement mistake
TV
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would mislead
the
Correct article usage
apply
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youngsters who are fragile and impressionable to be
infulenced
Correct your spelling
influenced
easily, and
subsequently
learn the aggressive features and
then
exert to
practical
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the practical
show examples
world. These actions might contribute to more crimes and harm their own mental health
since
Change preposition
due to
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the loss of correct education and complete laws.
On the other hand
, for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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atheletes
Correct your spelling
athletes
, excessive
workout
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workouts
show examples
and being
injuired
Correct your spelling
injured
during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competitions bring irreversible harm to their physical health, which
include
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includes
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shortening
the
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their
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lifetime and even being disabled.
However
, the existence of violence in
sports
is attributed to followed factors. The first factor
is concerning
Wrong verb form
concerns
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the nature
meanings
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of meanings
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.
For example
, the natural and original aim of martial arts is to be
self-discipline
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self-disciplined
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and
strongthen
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strengthen
strong then
figures. Another factor is that these types of
sports
are a way for
atheletes
Correct your spelling
athletes
to attain
employments
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employment
show examples
and earn money since they can get ample awards if they win the games.
Furthermore
, a series of aggressive competitions can enrich the variety of
sports
species, and consequent develop the watching rates, which help both the
sports
industry and the TV stations earn much more money.
Also
, the consistency of competitions and promotion of violent
sports
help these
sports
be inherited, and as intermediaries of international communication.
For instance
, in China, the press always
utilize
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utilizes
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martial arts to represent China since they have
long
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a long
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history and are well-known around the world. In conclusion,
while
there are several disadvantages of
sports
with violence, they
also
hold the
necessarity
Correct your spelling
necessity
necessary
of existing. On balance, I argue that these
sports
can
open
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be open
show examples
to show and at the same time,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
comprehensive regulations and educational leading should be conducted to mitigate negative effects.
Submitted by xeyojnn on

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task achievement
To enhance your task achievement, ensure that you provide more specific examples to support your points. For example, mention particular incidents or statistics related to the impact of violent sports on athletes or society.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on making your ideas flow more logically from one to the next. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next point by using cohesive devices like transition words and phrases more effectively.
task achievement
Clarify and elaborate on your main points a bit more. For instance, when discussing the potential harms of violent sports, provide more detailed explanations or evidence about how they might lead to increased crime rates or physical injuries.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your conclusion by succinctly summarizing your main points and reaffirming your stance. This will help leave a lasting impression on the reader.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view on the topic, acknowledging both the disadvantages and the benefits of violent sports.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
You used appropriate vocabulary related to the topic, such as 'martial arts,' 'self-discipline,' and 'irreversible harm,' which enhances the clarity of your ideas.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt directly and offers a thoughtful analysis of the topic, showing a deep understanding of the issue.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • combat sports
  • glorification of violence
  • impressionable audiences
  • cultural heritage
  • self-discipline
  • sportsmanship
  • media portrayal
  • regulatory measures
  • censorship
  • psychological impact
  • broadcasting regulations
  • watershed timing
  • advocates and opponents
  • ethical considerations
  • economic implications
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