IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enroll in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, young individuals choose work-based training
instead
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 of getting an academic
education
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 at a
university
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. I firmly believe that the drawbacks of
this
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 choice outweigh the benefits.
This
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 essay explores why it is better for young people to pursue
university
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 studies.
Firstly
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,
education
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 plays a vital role in the quality of life, so to live comfortably, it is essential to obtain a high level of
education
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. Not only does it provide career opportunities, but it
also
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 fosters a person's social status. In my country, studying at a
university
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 is highly respected, as many professions,
such
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 as medicine, require a
university
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 degree, which is a significant marker of better social status.
Thus
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, the young generation should be encouraged to attend
university
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 to secure high-prestige jobs.
Secondly
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, work-based training prepares individuals for jobs that often have lower salaries compared to those requiring higher
education
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.
Moreover
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, attending
university
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 enhances general knowledge and opens minds, making individuals more intelligent.
Last
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 but not least, through studying, we can contribute to the progress of science, technology, and other fields that advance humanity.
For example
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, Albert Einstein, a renowned physicist, made significant contributions to humanity, which might not have been possible without his extensive academic background. In conclusion, I recommend attending
university
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 and pursuing an academic
education
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 for young people
instead
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 of opting for work-based training, which often offers lower pay and status. By engaging in study, a person improves their knowledge and intelligence.
Additionally
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, there is a sense of fulfilment in contributing to humanity through academic pursuits.

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task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the prompt, stating a clear stance and supporting it effectively. However, it would enhance your essay to acknowledge the other perspective, even briefly, to demonstrate a balanced view.
task achievement
While you have clear and comprehensive ideas, ensure that all your points are elaborated to their full potential. For example, you could add more detail about how university education directly translates to higher-paying jobs.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with excellent coherence and cohesion. The logical flow of ideas is mostly seamless. Ensure that the transition between your arguments is always smooth to maintain this high standard.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, clearly stating your standpoint and summarizing your key points effectively.
task achievement
You have supported your main points with relevant specific examples, such as the reference to Albert Einstein, which adds credibility to your argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is impressive, making it easy to follow the progression of your ideas.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • skill shortages
  • transition
  • practical skills
  • hands-on experience
  • tailored
  • job satisfaction
  • financial burden
  • earn while you learn
  • long-term career advancement
  • academic education
  • critical thinking skills
  • perceived social status
  • labor market
  • flexibility
  • adaptability
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