IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that sport is very important for society. Others, however, argue that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.（重复2011 年老题）

#people #sport #society #leisure #activity
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People
Use synonyms
 have different views as to whether
sport
Use synonyms
 is just a kind of hobby and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not essential for society. In my opinion, despite there
is
Wrong verb form
being
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 a drawback
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
sport
Use synonyms
, I firmly believe that it brings about many more benefits. On the one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 declare that
sport
Use synonyms
 is just a leisure activity for two reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
sport
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 is used mainly for entertainment and relaxation, which
relief
Replace the word
relieves
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 workers from stress after work. To illustrate, individuals engage in
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 activity after their jobs are completed or twice a week, which means that their priority is not
sport
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
sport
Use synonyms
 is just a temporary engagement since
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 fans usually turn off their television as soon as the game
is end
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ends
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 or return home immediately after the game.
This
Linking Words
 means that
sport
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 only
take
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takes
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 almost two hours for those
people
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 before they
are going
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go
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 back to their duties.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
sport
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 plays an indispensable role
for
Change preposition
in
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 society in various aspects.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it connects
people
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 together. To be more precise, regardless of nationalities,
people
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 become more open-minded when they participate in any
types
Fix the agreement mistake
type
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 of
sport
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, leading to many more friends and connections.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
sport
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 can inspire
people
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society and famous
sportments
Correct your spelling
sports
 are considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
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 for several children.
For example
Linking Words
, many children look up to Cristiano Ronaldo and learn that
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
dedication and work hard
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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a
Correct article usage
the
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key
Fix the agreement mistake
keys
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 to success. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
sport
Use synonyms
 may be considered as just a free time activity for some
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
, I believe that there are
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
show examples
 more advantages
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 it.
Submitted by pandin21 on

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines both views and briefly mentions your opinion to set up the essay structure effectively.
clear comprehensive ideas
Try to provide more examples or data to support your points comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to maintain coherence.
task achievement
The essay covers both perspectives on the importance of sport effectively.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, summarizing the arguments appropriately.
logical structure
The essay maintains a logical structure and uses connectors to enhance cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Chronic diseases
  • Teamwork
  • Cultural divides
  • Revenue generator
  • Infrastructure
  • Patriotism
  • Role models
  • Commercialization
  • Recreation
  • Stress-relief
  • Elite sports
  • Injury risks
  • Doping scandals
What to do next:
Look at other essays: