IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Students are becoming more and more reliant on the Internet. While the Internet is convenient, it has many negative effects and its use for educational purposes should be restricted. How far do you agree with this statement?

It is argued that nowadays there are a lot of
students
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 who got addicted to using the
Internet
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 because it’s so popular and available for many
students
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 all over the world.
While
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 the
Internet
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 offers convenience, others believe that the
Internet
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 has more drawbacks, especially in the educational field. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
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 statement that the
Internet
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 should be restricted for
education
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. There are several reasons why
education
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 on the
Internet
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 is not good for
students
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.
Firstly
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, the main cause for
this
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 trend is the COVID-19 pandemic which has made
students
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 use the
Internet
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 for educational purposes widely.
This
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 makes a huge of
students
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 addicted to using the
Internet
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 for playing games, chatting, and doing homework.
As a result
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,
students
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 will be affected by health issues
such
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 as obesity, depression, and eyesight problems. So,
education
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 on the
Internet
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 will influent
students
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’ health. I
also
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 believe that the
internet
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 should be completely restricted for educational needs.
To begin
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 with,
education
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 on the
Internet
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 will impact
students
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 because when
students
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 use the
Internet
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 to learn, their teacher can not supervise
students
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 like face-to-face learning because they don't know what
students
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 do through the screen.
Moreover
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, the online test is not as fair as the face-to-face test at school because some
students
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 take advantage of online learning to cheat. In conclusion, I believe that restriction is the best way to solve the drawbacks of the
Internet
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 in the
education
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 field. We should prevent any educational problems
due to
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 the misuse of the
internet
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.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance towards the statement, which is a positive aspect. To strengthen your task achievement, consider developing more detailed examples and explanations to support your ideas. For instance, you could provide specific instances of how excessive internet use has negatively impacted students' academic performance or mental health.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, to further boost coherence, aim to use more linking phrases and transitional words to ensure the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs is smooth. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively outlines the main topic and your perspective on it, setting a clear direction for the essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your essay nicely.
coherence cohesion
You provided a logical argument in the body paragraphs that aligns with the thesis presented in the introduction.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • accessibility
  • independent learning
  • critical thinking
  • excessive reliance
  • hinder
  • crucial
  • problem-solving
  • overly dependent
  • diversity
  • perspectives
  • global cultures
  • enriching
  • unrestricted
  • information overload
  • discerning
  • credible sources
  • incorporation
  • engagement
  • adaptivity
  • personalized learning
  • innovative
  • pedagogy
  • digital age
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