Some feel that governments should prioritize healthcare instead of other important areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some might argue that the governments should mainly support the
healthcare
sector over the other essential ones. While
I agree that the governments should put the
Correct article usage
apply
healthcare
development as a priority, I believe that they are required to take care of other sectors in parallel due to
their influence on the health system
.
The governments have to enhance the quality of the healthcare
sector as this
would be reflected on
the welfare of the members of their society. They should ensure that there Change preposition
in
is
enough training Change the verb form
are
professional
Change preposition
for professional
healthcare
providers to support the growing number of
population. Correct quantifier usage
apply
Moreover
, they should build new medical facilities with advanced equipment across the country. As a result
, the burden on the existing hospitals will decrease, alleviating the long waiting, especially for the
patients with critical cases, giving them the appropriate service they need on time. Correct article usage
apply
Furthermore
, using their authority, they should improve the public medical insurances
and issue Fix the agreement mistake
insurance
legislations
to avoid treating the patients unfairly by private hospitals.
Another aspect Fix the agreement mistake
legislation
to
Change preposition
of
this
matter, that should be priotrized
as well, is fixing the causes of different Correct your spelling
prioritised
diseases
as it has a great impact on the health system
. One example for
Change preposition
of
that is
the environmental issues, because the more the pollution, the more the diseases
prone
to the community. Add a missing verb
are prone
For instance
, air pollution which caused
by cars and factories' carbon emissions, is responsible for increasing lung Add a missing verb
is caused
diseases
. Water pollution due to
improper sewedge
treatment will lead to a variety of other critical Correct your spelling
sewage
diseases
. All of the aforementioned environmental problems should be addressed by the governemnts
and actions should be taken to alleviate these concerns. Correct your spelling
governments
government
Consequently
, the rate of illnesses will decrease which in turn will remove a burden from the healthcare
system
.
In conclusion, I believe that the governmnets
have an important role in the health Correct your spelling
governments
government
system
development. They do that directly through enhancing the service quality of the healthcare
facilities and indirectly by tackling environmental issues that cause different diseases
.Submitted by Lilly
on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
You have effectively addressed the task by discussing both the importance of prioritizing healthcare and the need to address other sectors. However, elaborate slightly more on the interconnection between other sectors and healthcare for a more balanced view.
task achievement
Ensure consistency in terminologies (e.g., 'government' instead of 'governments') and avoid minor grammar errors such as 'priority' instead of 'priotrized'.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of the essay can be improved by refining the transitions between points. For example, you can use more varied and precise linking words to bridge ideas more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Although you have a clear introduction and conclusion, slightly expanding them could enhance clarity and provide a stronger framework for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The support for main points is well-developed, but providing additional specific examples or statistics could strengthen your argument further.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly frame the essay, offering a concise roadmap and summary of your main points.
task achievement
Your main points are clear and well-supported with relevant arguments, reflecting a solid understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Good job addressing both direct and indirect strategies for improving the healthcare system, showing depth in your approach.