IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The television is good for you. Discuss the advantage and disadvantage of watching television. Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your experience.

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Some
people
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 may think that watching
television
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 is a good activity for us. There are some advantages
such
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 as faster communication and free education. I think that there are
also
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 some disadvantages like unhealthy advertisements and forcing citizens to accept the government's policy.
Firstly
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,
people
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 can get in touch with each other faster than in old times because of the
TV
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.
For example
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, with the new technological developments, human beings are able to reach the news instantly via
television
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.
Therefore
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, they can plan their future because they have an opinion about nations' policies and new discoveries in the world.
Moreover
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, the
TV
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 can
also
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 warn individuals if there will be a disaster
such
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 as wars, turnedos, or pandemic diseases.
Nevertheless
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,
television
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 is
also
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 good for students who are preparing for an exam because some government channels have free educational classes.
On the other hand
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, the disadvantages of the
TV
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 shouldn't be missed by the citizens because they might cause some serious health problems.
For example
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, there are lots of advertisements that make chunk foods seem delicious and healthy. Unfortunately,
people
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 who watch
television
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 for longer hours struggle with an obesity problem because of not only those advertisements but
also
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 being immobile in front of the screen.
Additionally
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, it causes
people
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 may not think properly because of the government's brain-washing policy. Especially in developing countries, the governments show that their citizens are happy and peaceful on the screen even if they are not in reality. At the same time, lots of
people
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 believe that they are powerful and nothing changes when the election time comes. In conclusion, there might be good effects of the
TV
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 on the
people
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such
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 as faster information and free education. In my opinion, the damage caused by the screen is more important and serious.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good structure with a clear introduction and conclusion, but the language could be more precise to improve clarity. Try to avoid minor grammatical errors for a better score in Task Response and Coherence.
task achievement
While discussing the advantages and disadvantages, ensure every point is well-explained and avoid generalizations. Provide additional, diverse examples to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear and sets a good tone for the discussion. You also provided a conclusion that effectively summarizes the main points.
task achievement
The examples you provided to support your arguments are relevant and help in illustrating your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • informed
  • awareness
  • educational programs
  • skills
  • entertainment
  • relaxation
  • prolonged
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • obesity
  • eye strain
  • mental well-being
  • violent content
  • productivity
  • stereotypes
  • unrealistic expectations
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