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Writing Samples
Band 7

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to the Ashdown museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The chart show the result of a survey asking visitors how satisfied they are with their visit during the same two periods.

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to the Ashdown museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The chart show the result of a survey asking visitors how satisfied they are with their visit during the same two periods.
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The table illustrates, the counts of
visitors
Use synonyms
 to Ashdown Museum in the years before and after development. The pie chart displays the responses to
visitors
Use synonyms
' satisfaction.
Overall
Linking Words
, in the
Use synonyms
survey
Add a comma
survey,
show examples
 they gave five types of options to
visitors
Use synonyms
, In comparison with before progress the high number of crowds visited the museum after the development and
also
Linking Words
 the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 were satisfied with the new progress.
According to
Linking Words
 the first chart, 30% of
people
Use synonyms
satisfied
Add a missing verb
were satisfied
show examples
while
Linking Words
, 40% of
people
Use synonyms
 were dissatisfied, which is the highest response in the
survey
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Very satisfied and Very dissatisfied were 15% and 10% respectively.
However
Linking Words
, there were 5% of
people
Use synonyms
 did not respond to the
survey
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, after the renovation 75% of tourists were satisfied with the museum, in comparison with before refurbished it increased by 30%.
Further
Linking Words
, the percentage of dissatisfied was decreased by 25%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, very satisfied and no response to the
survey
Use synonyms
 proportions are equal.
Finally
Linking Words
, during the year after the renovation, the
visitors
Use synonyms
' count was increased to 18,000.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, survey, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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