Too much emphasis is given for the education of students. More government money should be spent on free time activities for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Normally the
government
of a country supports students
by spending money
on students
' free activities
. It is often said that “ government
money
should be spent on free time activities
for young people
”. The following essay will support two reasons why I disagree with this
statement.
First of all, if the government
’s money
is only used on free activities
for students
, they may lose focus on what they really need to work hard. It is clear that
the government
wants students
to have fun while
studying but it would cause students
to get the wrong idea of what is important for them. For instance
, having more money
on sports teams such
as football instead
of having a budget for science research, would make me become good at football, but not a better researcher which may not add up to my future. I am sure most students
would stop studying meaningful subjects because of that.
Second of all, young people
don’t have enough responsibility to manage the government
's money
. It is thought that “spending money
on young people
will be the investment of the country's future”, however
, not all people
have a clear will of what they want and what they will be in the future. For example
, teenagers’ minds are unstable, their feelings and emotions fluctuate quite often and it is too risky to spend precious money
on people
like them.
To sum up
, government
money
may cause students
to lose focus and young adults do know
think properly and do not take advantage of great opportunities. I think the Correct your spelling
not
government
should not spend money
on free time activities
for young people
.Submitted by Andrea Barreto on
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relevant examples
Try to include more specific examples to enhance the argument. This would help in providing a comprehensive view and making the response more persuasive.
clear ideas
Consider explaining the benefits of focusing on education over free time activities further. This would provide a balanced view or a more emphasized standpoint towards your opinion.
introduction conclusion
The essay has a clear and structured introduction and conclusion, helping the reader to follow the argument easily.
supported points
The arguments are generally well-supported and relevant, maintaining the reader's engagement in the essay.
logical structure
Logical progression of ideas is present, ensuring that each point builds logically upon the previous one.
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