Too much emphasis is given for the education of students. More government money should be spent on free time activities for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Normally the
government
of a country supports
students
by spending
money
on
students
' free
activities
. It is often said that “
government
money
should be spent on free time
activities
for young
people
”. The following essay will support two reasons why I disagree with
this
statement. First of all, if the
government
’s
money
is only used on free
activities
for
students
, they may lose focus on what they really need to work hard.
It is clear that
the
government
wants
students
to have fun
while
studying but it would cause
students
to get the wrong idea of what is important for them.
For instance
, having more
money
on sports teams
such
as football
instead
of having a budget for science research, would make me become good at football, but not a better researcher which may not add up to my future. I am sure most
students
would stop studying meaningful subjects because of that. Second of all, young
people
don’t have enough responsibility to manage the
government
's
money
. It is thought that “spending
money
on young
people
will be the investment of the country's future”,
however
, not all
people
have a clear will of what they want and what they will be in the future.
For example
, teenagers’ minds are unstable, their feelings and emotions fluctuate quite often and it is too risky to spend precious
money
on
people
like them.
To sum up
,
government
money
may cause
students
to lose focus and young adults do
know
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
think properly and do not take advantage of great opportunities. I think the
government
should not spend
money
on free time
activities
for young
people
.
Submitted by Andrea Barreto on

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relevant examples
Try to include more specific examples to enhance the argument. This would help in providing a comprehensive view and making the response more persuasive.
clear ideas
Consider explaining the benefits of focusing on education over free time activities further. This would provide a balanced view or a more emphasized standpoint towards your opinion.
introduction conclusion
The essay has a clear and structured introduction and conclusion, helping the reader to follow the argument easily.
supported points
The arguments are generally well-supported and relevant, maintaining the reader's engagement in the essay.
logical structure
Logical progression of ideas is present, ensuring that each point builds logically upon the previous one.

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