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Band 7.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices oneveryday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #choices #oneveryday #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #decisions
Specifying adolescent limitations in making
decisions
 in various situations is a critical subject in
children
’s education. Some people, including me, think that preventing young humans from defining choices in matters like nutrition, clothes, and recreation is unnecessary and shouldn’t be hindered. Others claim that
this
 freedom makes them selfish.
This
 essay will discuss both perspectives and present my own opinion.
Firstly
, allowing
children
 to make their own decision can lead to self-drive
children
 who don’t care about their parent’s permission. If parents let them be on their own, they would never listen to their parent’s orders again and it can cause some serious problems for them.
For example
, in a case where a kid doesn’t have a parent’s permit to have junk food, a rebellious child would ignore their parent's authority and nitrite it anyway.
Consequently
,
this
 action would result in future health diseases.
On the other hand
, letting
children
 make their own
decisions
 has some advantages. One of them is that they can learn to identify both good and bad consequences of their
decisions
.
For example
, a girl or a boy who learned to choose her or his clothes would probably know what are the best brands in the clothes industry.
Therefore
, for the next time, they can buy high-quality fits. Eventually, they will know how to select the best strategy in a sensitive situation and drive their life in the right way. In conclusion, in spite of some opponents about not limiting
children
 from making their own
decisions
, I strongly believe that there are some values in letting juveniles make their own
decisions
such
 as learning how to make a good strategy in difficult situations.
Submitted by neginsepahvand on

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task achievement
While the essay adequately addresses the prompt, aiming for more nuanced support and examples would enhance the depth of the arguments.
coherence cohesion
To improve clarity and coherence, try to minimize minor grammatical errors and ensure each sentence clearly connects to the next.
task achievement
A solid attempt to address both sides of the argument while still presenting a clear opinion is notable.
coherence cohesion
The essay features a logical flow of ideas with clearly defined paragraphs and a coherent progression.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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