A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in the cinema affects the actions of our young people and therefore increases the amount of violence in our society today. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
is argued that the number of
assault
is increasing in our society Fix the agreement mistake
assaults
due to
demonstrating that actions
in TV shows and cinemas , and that effected especially among young generations. This
essay totally agrees that these actions
have a huge impact on young people.
Firstly
, showing violent actions
on TV and in special places also
has a great negative effect on the brains of youngsters. These actions
can induce juveniles' sense of imitation, namely, after watching they tend to imitate actors' marvel deeds which almost all the children want to do in real life. For example
, the Turkish film "Kürtlar Vadisi" already affected to uzbek people especially
for young generation Add the comma(s)
, especially
due to
this
they started to take some violent action videos and also
created some criminal groups.
Secondly
, watching foreign films on TV shows or going to the cinema has a negative effect on is
culture. When a film premieres it may attract juveniles' attention, they tend to go to watch these films. Correct your spelling
its
As a result
, more and more young generations may dismiss their own local films and cannot understand their culture, themselves also
do not know their history. A good illustration of this
is a Turkish young westernized generation. They did not aware of their history, and thereafter
watching violent actions
in that country the number of crimes especially violence and rape thrived considerably.
In conclusion, not only watching violent content can influence a whole nation, but it also
appears to create a sense of imitation.Submitted by abdulaziz on
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task achievement
Expand on the examples and connect them more clearly to the main points. This would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
While your conclusion is present, it can be more comprehensive. Summarize your main points succinctly.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the question directly and clearly states your viewpoint.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay structure includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which provides a clear framework.
Your opinion
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?