A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in the cinema affects the actions of our young people and therefore increases the amount of violence in our society today. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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is argued that the number of

assault

Fix the agreement mistake

assaults

show examples

is increasing in our society

due to

Linking Words

demonstrating that

actions

Use synonyms

in TV shows and cinemas , and that effected especially among young generations.

This

Linking Words

essay totally agrees that these

actions

Use synonyms

have a huge impact on young people.

Firstly

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, showing violent

actions

Use synonyms

on TV and in special places

also

Linking Words

has a great negative effect on the brains of youngsters. These

actions

Use synonyms

can induce juveniles' sense of imitation, namely, after watching they tend to imitate actors' marvel deeds which almost all the children want to do in real life.

For example

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, the Turkish film "Kürtlar Vadisi" already affected to uzbek people

especially

Add the comma(s)

, especially

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for young generation

due to

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

they started to take some violent action videos and

also

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created some criminal groups.

Secondly

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, watching foreign films on TV shows or going to the cinema has a negative effect on

Correct your spelling

its

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culture. When a film premieres it may attract juveniles' attention, they tend to go to watch these films.

As a result

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, more and more young generations may dismiss their own local films and cannot understand their culture, themselves

also

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do not know their history. A good illustration of

this

Linking Words

is a Turkish young westernized generation. They did not aware of their history, and

thereafter

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watching violent

actions

Use synonyms

in that country the number of crimes especially violence and rape thrived considerably. In conclusion, not only watching violent content can influence a whole nation, but it

also

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appears to create a sense of imitation.

abdulazizMon Jul 29 2024

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task achievement

Expand on the examples and connect them more clearly to the main points. This would strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

Work on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to enhance readability.

coherence cohesion

While your conclusion is present, it can be more comprehensive. Summarize your main points succinctly.

task achievement

Your essay addresses the question directly and clearly states your viewpoint.

task achievement

You provide relevant examples to support your ideas.

coherence cohesion

The essay structure includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which provides a clear framework.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

247 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

desensitization
crucial stage
moral and ethical understandings
external factors
profound impact
reflection
mitigate
stricter regulations
depiction
empathy
conflict resolution
collaboration
conscious
impact
promoting
culture of peace
non-violence
public awareness campaigns
community programs

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A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in the cinema affects the actions of our young people and therefore increases the amount of violence in our society today. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Your opinion

In many places, new homes are needed, but the only place available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What it your opinion about this?

You recently went to visit a friend in their new home. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter: tell your friend what you liked about his/her new house say what you did or enjoyed most about your stay with your friend suggest when and where you could meet your friend next

Do you think the advantage of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Many people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places such as libraries, shops and public transport. Do you agree or disagree?