IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars or riding motorbikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #road #safety #age #cars #motorbikes
here
Correct your spelling
There
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 is no doubt that these days people don’t pay attention to these things.The question is how people can improve the safety odds the streets.In
this
 essay, I’m going to discuss some opinions that are given to avoid traffic and some problems that effectively people's lives. In terms of problems, lots of communities are devastated by the effects of the road. The main reason given to support
this
 claim is that when they let the riding motorbikes in separate rides.
Thus
, will increase the number of dangers on the roads.to illustrate , when I was driving and the road was empty only cars drove in it made the ride
more easily
Wrong verb form
easier
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on the other hand
 when other day i was driving
and
Correct word choice
apply
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it was a lot of motorbikes
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 made it much harder and the risk of
doing
Verb problem
apply
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accident
Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
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 significantly bigger.
However
, the fact that half the drivers are small
age
 so when we increase the legal
age
 to 21
Add the comma(s)
, for example,
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for example
 some families will be affected badly because the
age
 of big parents need their children to take them somewhere or help them to do something if we do that it will never
happened
Change the verb form
happen
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.So
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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,sometimes we have to balance to have a peaceful life.
To conclude
,
although
 increasing the legal
age
 for driving cars or
also
 riding motorcycles will be a good way in order to improve safety sometimes it takes
the
Correct article usage
a
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 negative round.
Therefore
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 believe the safety of the road will happen if each person follows the roles.
Submitted by aledailah2003 on

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task achievement
Your essay partially addresses the topic, but it could benefit from a clearer stance. Clearly state whether you agree or disagree with the topic in the thesis statement.
task achievement
Make sure to include specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This will help make your points stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more clearly. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and should be well connected to the next. Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are somewhat supported, but they would be more effective if they were more thoroughly developed. Consider expanding on each point with more details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Carefully proofread your essay for grammatical errors, typos, and appropriate use of punctuation. This will improve the readability and professionalism of your work.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and a conclusion, which outline your main points and provide a sense of closure.
task achievement
Your essay attempts to address both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding of the complexity of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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