IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend.

#week #workers #weekend
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Today, one of the most controversial topics is working times. Some opinions support that
employers
Use synonyms
 may have longer weekends.
This
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 essay will examine both
Correct article usage
the upwards
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upwards
Replace the word
upward
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 and
downwards
Change the word
downward
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 of
this
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 argument, and I firmly advocate that workers must have shorter working
weeks
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 for mental health and productivity. For a long time, many individuals have been working 5 or 6 days a week and only a single day can be spent resting.
Therefore
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, numerous
employers
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 encounter mental health issues.
For instance
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, who works for 6 days, is faced with a huge amount of stress because of resting lacknesses.
In particular
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, stress has a crucial impact on happiness, relaxation, or even physical diseases;
such
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 as headaches, sadness, etc.
However
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, with a longer weekend, workers can relax, spend time with family, and pursue hobbies, which can significantly improve their well-being.
As a result
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, spending time on leisure activities can affect people being positive in their lives. One of the other primary concerns about long working
weeks
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 is decreased productivity among labourers.
Although
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 many companies have a long working
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
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 for
weeks
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, a deficiency of capacity can be seen. By reason for
that is
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employers
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 are struggling with life-work balance and motivation.
Firstly
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, shorter working
weeks
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 allow for a healthier balance between work and personal life, leading to higher job satisfaction.
Secondly
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,
this
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 change can lead to increased motivation as employees are less likely to experience burnout and more motivated.
As a consequence
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, there are no advantages to pursuing longer
weeks
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 in terms of working days.
While
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employers
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 have significant pressure and tasks to do, long
weeks
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 are senseless.
However
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, with shorter
weeks
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, productivity and mental health can be enhanced in the future.
Submitted by orkunkusvuran on

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task response
You have addressed the topic and provided your opinion, but there is room for improvement in structuring your essay to enhance clarity. Work on making your main points more distinct and ensuring they directly support your thesis.
coherence and cohesion
The logical flow of ideas can be strengthened. Try to use more transition phrases and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that connects back to your thesis.
task response
Make sure to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments; this will make your essay more convincing and thorough.
coherence and cohesion
Conclusion is present but could be more robust. Summarize the key points discussed in the essay more effectively to reinforce your position.
task response
Good introduction and clear statement of your opinion on the topic.
introduction and conclusion
Conclusion does a good job of reiterating your main points.
supported main points
Arguments for mental health and productivity are relevant and well-chosen.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
What to do next:
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