IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

In many parts of the world people do research in family history. Some people believe research on previous generation to be useful while others say that it is better to focus on present and future generation.discuss both views and show your opinion.

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t is controversial that
research
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 on the past record of the family is more helpful than information about current and
future
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 generations. I partially support the latter view, for more trustworthy data obtained to improve individual lives regardless of the fact that past history can reveal a certain pattern of illness, helping
people
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 to cope with it in advance. On the one hand,
research
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 on past history is beneficial as it allows
people
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 to find a common tendency of some diseases in their family.
In other words
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,
people
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 are able to be better prepared to reduce the risk of getting some illness as they are more cautious about them when they acknowledge a higher tendency of their family getting a particular health problem.
For instance
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, the examination of the past family record which demonstrated more likelihood of breast cancer has encouraged me to go to a hospital for a regular medical check-up.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 not only allowed me to recognize my current health condition but
also
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 detect a possible sign of the disease at an earlier stage, increasing more chances for cure and survival.
On the other hand
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, studying for present and
future
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 generations contains some advantages since the information is more relevant and reliable than the one obtained from the past. Indeed, a result from a test in a womb to examine potential health risks of a baby allows doctors to detect signals of some physical and mental problems before he or she is born at a higher rate at 80%
in contrast
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 to merely less than 30% from the past examination.
Moreover
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, the careful
research
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 on blood,
as well as
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 structures of organs and bones of an infant makes it possible for medical staff to take appropriate methods, making parents better prepared for a potential disease of their baby.
Therefore
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, current and
future
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research
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 is more reliable as it reduces their anxieties and shock originating from their ignorance. In conclusion, I somewhat agree that the study for current and
future
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people
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 is more significant as it provides dependable information, with which
people
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 can make a better preparation and take an initial approach.
However
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,
research
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 on past family records suggests a general tendency of some hereditary diseases, raising their sense of caution to prevent it immediately.

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task achievement
The essay offers a balanced discussion, but some ideas could be more elaborated. Consider giving a few more examples or explanations for the viewpoints to enrich the content.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is well-structured, some transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Make sure to use linking phrases to maintain a seamless flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong structure with a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported with relevant examples, particularly the one about breast cancer, which adds depth to the argument.
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