IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the media (newspapers) have the right to publish details of people’s private life, while other’s think it should be controlled? Discuss both views

#people #media #newspapers #right #people’s #life #other’s
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Nowadays, it is
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ubiquitous thing that
media
 goes deeply into
personal
Add an article
the personal
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 of different
people
 and
uncover
Correct subject-verb agreement
uncovers
show examples
 some personal moments
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 everyone. Some
people
 believe that it is not a bad thing,
while
 others think that
such
 actions should be restricted. On the one hand, there are several arguments that can support the first
opinion
.
Firstly
,
this
 situation usually happens to some famous
people
.
Therefore
, they should be prepared to experience
such
 actions from the
media
.
Secondly
, there is an
opinion
 that sharing
information
 about
people
’s private
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 might help to prevent different types of crime. Knowing even small details can help the police to solve a
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 number of crime cases.
On the other hand
, there are arguments that support the second
opinion
.
For instance
, it is known that any
media
 might lie or exaggerate some
information
 even about personal
life
.
Moreover
, a person can undergo a huge wave of bullying and hate if some facts
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 his or her private
life
 are published by some
media
 source. In my personal
opinion
,
people
 should work on restricting and controlling newspapers and other sources of
information
. The main reason why it should be done is
drastic
Correct article usage
the drastic
show examples
 mental consequences that
people
 might experience from
such
 actions.
Therefore
, there should be rules and laws implemented in order to secure it.
To conclude
, there are some advantages and disadvantages of uncovering personal
information
 of
people
 to others. It might even have a positive effect on the crime level in the world.
However
, I believe that everyone should have a right to keep his or her private
life
 away from the public.
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task achievement
Consider elaborating more on your main points with specific examples to strengthen your argument. It can help the reader understand and engage more with your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs by using more linking devices. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Try to vary your sentence structures and use a wider range of vocabulary to make your writing more engaging and sophisticated.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, and the main points are presented logically.
task achievement
A balanced discussion of the topic with reasons supporting both perspectives.
task achievement
The argument is relevant to the essay question and stays on topic throughout.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Freedom of Press
  • Democratic society
  • Public interest
  • Transparency
  • Accountability
  • Investigative journalism
  • Privacy invasion
  • Psychological impact
  • Ethical standards
  • Legal frameworks
  • Regulations
  • Media scrutiny
  • Case studies
  • Moral boundaries
  • Public figures
  • Corruption
  • Misconduct
  • Stress and anxiety
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