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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, people like to eat a lot of food that cannot be grown in their local area. As a result, much of the food that people consume from other countries. Do the advantages of this development outweigh disadvantages?

#countries #people #food #area #development
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In some
countries
,
people
 are keen on eating
foods
 that are international or come from other cultures because of that these
foods
 cannot be produced in their own
country
.
While
 there are some disadvantages the benefits are more. Benefits are considering a lot in
population
Add an article
the population
a population
show examples
 of
foods
 in
another
Replace the adjective
another country
other countries
show examples
countries
.
Firstly
, the number of production increases when
people
 apply for some specific
foods
.
For example
, when a group of
people
 in Canada apply for mango in India the exportation of
this
furut
Correct your spelling
fruit
forum
first
 gets more which is helpful for
Indian`s
Correct your spelling
India`s
show examples
 economy
also
 Indian
people
 may want to eat some
breads
Change the wording
bread
pieces of bread
loaves of bread
slices of bread
show examples
 that are possible to eat and produce them hust in Canada so
this
 matter can not be a disaster because it is a double benefit. Not having any specific products, food or refreshments can cause some economic problems for
countries
 that are in
this
 situation. If
people
 just apply for these products in a
country
 and
instead
 of that do not make a specific food for answering that wanted it is going to be a huge problem.
For example
, today
people
 are interested in trying a lot of food from other
countries
 and it is a trend in social media. every culture has something to show and the sale of
this
 type of refreshment is increasing highly when a
country
 has not
this
 can decrease its economy. In the bottom line, the population eating
foods
 from other
countries
 is a big benefit but if a
country
 does not play its role can have a disaster for
it self
Correct your spelling
itself
show examples
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure coherence by organizing your paragraphs systematically. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence.
coherence cohesion
Work on your introduction and conclusion. The essay should clearly introduce the main topic and also have a concluding paragraph that summarizes the main points or offers a final thought.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples and details to make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
Avoid making general statements without sufficient elaboration. Each claim should be followed by an explanation or example to substantiate it.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and makes an attempt to discuss both advantages and disadvantages, which shows a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
You have made an attempt to discuss main points related to the topic, which indicates a good grasp of the subject matter.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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