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Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people think parents should supervise their children’s activities closely, while others believe children should have more freedom. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #parents #children’s #activities #children #freedom
Many
people
 think that
due to
 modern technology, there is no need anymore for individuals to learn handwriting abilities, at that time, others believe that handwriting is still a necessary skill. In the 21st century, most
people
 prefer to
use
 modern computers and gadgets to write their documents, forms etc.
This
 development is called keeping up with the times. As you know, it has given more convenience to humans. Now, they need not buy paper, they shouldn’t write their special letters for hours,
as well as
 if someone cannot write beautifully, it is not a problem just take a phone and write his/her sentences and send it to their familiar person.
This
 creature is so easy to
use
. There are your handwriting skills won’t play a huge role because the fonts are designed in the same style on all phones.
Moreover
, you can write your message or special text to someone you know from a distance even if you are in Canada your familiar is in China. I mean, for technology doesn’t matter the distance. In the past, even
people
 did not think about it. As you understand,
this
 invention was one of the most majestic creatures in the world.
On the other hand
, even in these times, handwriting has its own position in the society.
Furthermore
,
people
 need outstanding writing skills in the important parts of their lives. There are a lot of factors that can prove my point.
For instance
, a kid who was born in some family and what needs him/her? The child needs a birth certificate
that is
 written in pretty handwriting. There is almost every writable exam, you have to learn well handwriting abilities if your handwriting is illegible. As we know, the examiners pay attention to your handwriting. Even in some modern countries governments
use
 handwriting to write specific letters which have vital mysteries. In conclusion, I want to say that, both of them have their own unique position.
Therefore
, we should
use
 both of them in their necessary time.
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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Task Achievement
To enhance task response, ensure that your opinion is clearly stated and discuss both views more explicitly. Currently, the essay leans towards explaining the benefits of technology without comparing it equally to handwriting.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, focusing on creating clearer transitions between ideas will aid in improving logical structure. For instance, using linking words or phrases such as 'on the contrary', 'in addition', or 'however' can establish better connections between your arguments.
Introduction and Conclusion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in setting the context and summarizing the points effectively.
Task Achievement
The essay discusses relevant points about both handwriting and technology, highlighting their significance and uses in the modern world.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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