Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case ? Do you think that this is a positive or a negative development?
Mobile
phones
have become a part and parcel of our lives .Modern days, Use synonyms
children
spend most of their Use synonyms
time
on mobile Use synonyms
phones
. There are several reasons for Use synonyms
this
increase, but one foremost cause is the advancement in technology. I firmly believe that Linking Words
this
is a negative development. In Linking Words
this
essay , I will elaborate on my opinion with reasons Linking Words
as well as
examples .
Linking Words
To begin
with , one of the most significant drawbacks is the loss of education. What I mean to say is that if Linking Words
children
spend most of their Use synonyms
time
on mobile Use synonyms
phones
watching movies and cartoons , Use synonyms
then
they do not have enough Linking Words
time
to concentrate on their studies properly Use synonyms
as a result
they face failure in their academic lives . Linking Words
For instance
, Norway's government , in 2022, reported that about 67% of candidates failed in their country in their professional lives Linking Words
due to
their improper concentration on studies .
Another contributing factor is that the excessive use of smartphones causes health problems. If Linking Words
children
spend most of their Use synonyms
time
playing games it will weaken their eyesight.They Use synonyms
also
get tired which causes them various mental disorders Linking Words
such
as physical illness.
Turning to the other side of the spectrum, some people argue that mobile Linking Words
phones
are beneficial for Use synonyms
children
because they learn several useful activities from them like coding , editing and so on . Use synonyms
For example
, now all over the world , people are earning money from trading by using smartphones.
Linking Words
To conclude
, the demerits of excessive utilization of mobile Linking Words
phones
outweigh its benefits Use synonyms
such
as loss of education and health issues. I personally recommend that parents should prevent their Linking Words
children
from using digital devices too much.Use synonyms
Submitted by mianraza686 on
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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay. Try to ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next, and that there's a clear progression of ideas.
task achievement
Enhance the strength of your arguments by providing more relevant and specific examples. This will help in clearly illustrating your points.
task achievement
Provide more comprehensive and clear ideas to back up your stance. Expound on your points further to give a well-rounded discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion, clearly stating your stance and summarizing your points effectively.
task achievement
You have touched upon important issues such as the impact on education and health, making the essay relevant and focused on the task.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.