IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries, a small number of people earn extremely high salaries. Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that governments should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#countries #people #salaries #country #governments #level
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The drive to excel academically mixed with admiration of entrepreneurial success has made a few elites in many parts of the world earn extortionate incomes that make them stand out. Some seem to favour
this
 view as being pleasant to any nation,
while
 others oppose it and think law enforcement should regulate people's salaries so that they do not surpass a certain threshold. In
this
 essay l will discuss both views and why l have chosen to stand with the former statement. On the one hand, who would not want to be well-paid? It is every citizen's dream.
Firstly
, it raises the standards of living in any nation,
that is
, by having a few democrats earn high salaries it keeps the demand and supply of both basic and especially luxury products in balance.
Secondly
, it
also
 increases the buying power of a country
as well as
 Gross Domestic Product which is very vital when it comes to import and exportation, and foreign direct investment.
For example
, in the United States one of the leading nations in the globe, the average disposable income for a citizen in America is $5000 per month which by the greatest in the globally and their lifestyle is unmatched when compared with its peers.
Moreover
, individuals with high pay grades tend to be emotionally and physically sound as they easily access the services of therapists and medical covers.
On the other hand
, it can be considerably argued as to why the government should intervene to curb
such
 cases. With the way enough money in consumers' hands, they tend to get wild to buy whatever and whenever
this
 causes a problem for the authorities as it gives rise to high purchasing power and the end result is a higher cost of living, higher interest rates that affect the international market, and falling credit ratings.
Nevertheless
, as ways to avert
such
 a problem, the law may see the need to raise the tax bracket, to illustrate, German officials in 2012 increased their taxes when they saw that its citizens were spending way too much,
although
this
 caused a rift between the state and its people it became a cure of instability that was being caused within the financial market. In conclusion,
although
 the government may be urged to control people's revenue, it goes without saying that as much as earning suitable wages gives rise to better lives, it is
also
 prudent that a nation can benefit in that regard.
Submitted by teterayithelma on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay effectively discusses both sides of the argument and provides a clear opinion. However, the main points need more precise development. For instance, the argument about high salaries contributing to higher standards of living could include more detailed explanations and examples.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally well-structured, it occasionally lacks clear transitions between points. Consider using more linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your arguments, making your writing easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are lengthy and could benefit from being split into shorter, more concise statements to improve readability. Simplify complex sentences to enhance clarity.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and presents both views, setting up a balanced discussion. Additionally, your conclusion effectively summarizes the argument and clearly states your opinion.
supported main points
The essay provides relevant points and examples to back up your arguments, which demonstrates a good understanding of the topic. In particular, the example about Germany raising taxes when citizens were spending too much enriches your argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your language use is generally effective, and you employ a range of vocabulary which enhances the overall quality of your essay. Positive language aspects include phrases like 'buying power of a country' and 'Gross Domestic Product,' which showcase your vocabulary skills.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • incentivize
  • discrepancy
  • inequality
  • social cohesion
  • equitable distribution
  • wealth concentration
  • talent retention
  • global competitiveness
  • social unrest
  • innovate
  • government intervention
  • salary cap
What to do next:
Look at other essays: